Caught between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea (God's Peace)

     Is it just the "good guys" who should do acts of service for the Lord? And what do I mean by this? If someone has certain repeat negative actions they have not overcome, such as being defensive, and angrily lashes out at their spouse, for example, do they have the right to reach out to others? I'm just being real here. And  yes, instead of saying I have a friend who does this, I am confessing that person is me. I've shared before that I often get discouraged at my behavior, which I feel is not in line with what God would have me do or be, and I've shared that the enemy sneaks up on me and "makes me do it," and also, and most importantly I've proclaimed in my posts that God is doing His work in me and will complete it, and that work is comforming me and his saints into the image of His Son.
     There is a song I've tried to find on YouTube, and can't, that I used to have on a CD. It was one of many songs we just called, "Soaking Music." The title is , "How Long?" and it expressed what I am feeling currently and what I keep feeling on and off concerning my negative behavior. In the song, the person is asking God how long until he awakes in His likeness, and  before he becomes like Him?  Yea, that's what I want to know.
      I get so discouraged with my behavior, and yes, I know that God will forgive me time after time, but to be frank with you, sometimes it seems like it is too often that I need it. I guess there is a self-accusing voice still left in me that says, "If you really were sorry, than you'd just stop your negative behaviors," or " You are abusing the grace  of God," or even the worst, "you're never going to change," which when I see it in writing is really indicting God and the work He has promised He'll do, and is doing in me. So in that aspect, I know it's the devil saying those things, especially that last fearful statement.
     And, to be even more truthful and self-exposing with you, underneath it all, I have been angry with God for not making me a naturally happy person. It seems some are, and they don't struggle so much like I do.  Again, as I type this, I see that I am comparing myself to others; another "wrong" thing to do. The only redeeming thing I've shared, is that I have been truthful with my thoughts and feelings, even though they may have been wrong ones.
     Do you ever get into these negative, cyclical thought patterns? This is one which surfaces in me from time to time, and I want it to STOP!
     If you've read my blog for any length of time, you will have observed that I am an analyzer. I've been accused by some of thinking too much, and that is probably true, but don't know how to stop that either. (Again, I am leaving the "renewing of my mind" up to the leading of the Spirit and remain open to Him doing it by replacing my false thoughts with the truths in His Word.)
     So, back to the analyzing. What perpetuated the question that I first wrote, and concerns about my negative behavior? Yesterday, my husband and I were in the car together for 8 hours, as we were driving out of state to Peter's funeral; the dear friend and brother I had posted about a few days ago. Anyway, there was several times that I was judgemental with my husband and expressed it towards him in a negative manner, and it upset me and I'm sure, him. When that happens repeatedly (I don't behave Christ-like) I usually get discouraged at my behavior and then want to persecute by condemning myself. That is the state I was in in my subconscious, which I am allowing to come into the conscious mind now, as I share it with you.
     The reason that I asked the question about acts of service to God, and am connecting it with my behavior yesterday, is because I am currently deciding if I will go on a trip to India in January and help minister to Pastor's wives there. I am wondering if I am qualified to do that. So, that is what this is all about. And, I truly do not know the answer. I feel like perhaps it's the enemy trying to "disqualify" me from doing it by bringing these thoughts in my mind against myself. I know he does those kinds of things. But, then again, could it be God showing me that I am not ready, and that I am to go back to the rock quarry where He wants to do more work on me? Have you ever been caught between wondering if certain impressions was God or the devil? I want resolve here.
     So, in the midst of this quagmire, I press on by waiting for God to make things clear to me. And that's where I am this morning. I hear a promise in my spirit saying, "those who wait upon the Lord will rise up with wings of eagles; they will not grow weary and they will not faint." Thank you, God, for that reminder and for that promise of hope.



Have Compassion For the Orphans

     First of all, I want to say "hello, and God bless" my visitor from South Korea. I love the nations of the world, and am so excited and blessed when a new nation to the blog comes and views it! So, I have a word for you from the Lord. He says that He is willing, if you are. (You'll know what that means.)


     Today I am going to make a plea to you who happen to stop by and read. I've never done this before, and may never do it again, but I'm feeling compelled by the Spirit on this one.
     I just received a very disturbing email from a Pastor in India, who my husband and I both know and love. He sent pictures of their orphanage which was damaged from a cyclonic storm and subsequent flooding. We have been there personally, visited with the children, toured the medical center, and helped with food distribution and prayed for the disabled in the pavillion there. We have been blessed to go to India 3 times.
     Last time we went the orphanage had been damaged by the previous flood, and I was so distressed at it's condition. The first time we went it was so nice and pretty and last year, when I saw it's condition, it really upset me. I had a young man, who we call our Indian son, write down an estimate of what it would take to get it back to it's previous state. He itemized each cost. I didn't really know how to communicate these needs to anyone, so the list remains in my drawer.
     Now, since this new damage has occured, I am compelled to entreat you, the unknown readers of this blog, to help. I know it's a stretch for you to give to a place you don't personally know. It would just be a matter of stepping out in faith, and following your heart and the Spirit.
     Most of the readership is from America, and so I know many can afford to help. Below is the email I received from Pastor George, the one who has the orphanage. He and his wife, Dorothy, labor hard in India by reaching out to many people groups including lepers, rock crushers, the disabled, the widows, and the tribal people.
      Please take these needs to the Lord in prayer, and see what He would have you do. He may have you share it with someone or your church congregation. You can give through In Jesus Name Ministries. (This website is listed as one of my links) Please note that your giving is for the Miracle Center in India.
     I thank you for you considering this need. Below is the email I received from Pastor George this morning. Pastor George is the director of the ministry in India.
     If you have any questions, you can contact me by email which is listed on "my complete profile."
     God Bless each and every one of you!

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Dear Bro. Tom and Sister Patti in Christ, Greetings of grace and peace be unto both of you from Jesus, our dear Lord and Savior. We honestly do believe that this mail would find each of you in good health and happiness. Also while regularly praying for you, also praying God to grant you a good harvest from your fields where you are working so hard. We sincerely admire and appreciate your hard efforts in farm work. I and Dorothy would like to extend our heartfelt thanks to you both for your love and hospitality when we were at your sweet home. Especially much thankful to you for buying a flight ticket for me to visit our dear Bro. Court Wood at Bristol, and also for providing the train tickets from Chicago to your place. Particularly for filling my hands with your precious love offering. When I reached his home, he was so anxiously awaiting for my arrival, and then, we both together had a very nice and blessed time, and have shared so many things related to his health and also all about our ministry both at India and at the US. And especially, if your love can permit us, we just wanted to let you know that soon after our arrival to India, we have rushed to our Miracle Centre to see the extent of damage duly caused by the recent cyclonic storm and floods. But to our dismay, very sadly, there was a great extent of damage, mainly to the Orphanage building. Almost all the doors, glass windows were broken and some have fallen to pieces. Also the water supply pipe-lines including electricity lines were also broken. Therefore, as now it is the winter season, the cold waves are entering into this orphanage building, and most unfortunately, the little loving children in it are suffering from that severe cold. Very often, we used to be there, especially at nights, and sadly, these children were shivering and suffering a lot for not having doors and windows. It is sad that our hearts were broken on seeing them in that severe situation! Simply, we knelt there in prayers, and urged God to fill our hands as to get them repaired or to replace with new doors and windows. We pity them a lot and it is so painful to see those dearly children in that hard situation. But unfortunately, as we do not have money at hand, unable to do any remedy to them now! Please find the pictures showing all this damage including the damage to our rice crop which was just washed away by these severe flood waters. Therefore, as we do have much faith in your prayers, we beseech your prayers for this very precious need, and if God fills your helping hands, be pleased to bless our hands so that we may able to protect these dearly little children from that biting cold conditions. And also if it is possible, we do encourage you also to announce about all this damage caused at the church of Bro. Thomas Cecil Blount. And when we have asked for its estimated cost, the Engineer has estimated the cost would be around US $ 4,311. We request you to please do have mercy. With prayers, love and reverence, looking forward to hear from you, Yours in His service, Pastor George & Dorothy from India.

The Morning After

     Have you ever been rocking along pretty well with the Lord and the seas on the inside of you are calm and clear, and then all of a sudden, without notice a typhoon appears, and the sea is raging? God has brought much freedom and resultant stability to my soul lately, and I don't think the enemy has liked it one little bit. Someone once said that he can't read your mind, but he can observe  your behavior. My behavior has been changing for the good. I have been able to react to things differently than I had before, based on the work on the inside of me that God, by His power to sanctify, has done. And as I said before-The enemy is mad! There are areas in me he once held captive, which I am now free in, and he can no longer touch, to cause me to react negatively.
     But, yesterday, unannounced, he hit me from behind when a certain thing happened that triggered me big time, and I lost it!! That is not to say the work God has done in me is undone; not at all. What He has done, He has done. But, it did show me definately that His work isn't finished! My flesh is still alive in many areas, and this just happened to be one of them.
     I open myself to His searchlight to see exactly what it is in me that is causing so much disturbance in this area. I know consciously the things I am afraid of,  but I don't know where it is coming from. I don't know the root of it.  He usually reveals these things to me, so that I can give them back to Him for His cleansing in surrender.
     Of course, when his attacks happen and I react out of my flesh, I hurt myself and others in the process, and in that way the enemy has won. My only consolation in all of this is that God forgives, and I know who has ultimately won the war, even though, if I am honest, I have to say sadly and regrettable, that the enemy won that battle in my life, and on my husband and my 41st anniversary at that!!! He really did it up good. :(
     This morning I am living on the other side of the battle, or should I say skirmish. I didn't really fight back. I was just filled with schrapnel by the incoming barrage of bullets. I so long for the time when I am made whole to the point where "nothing moves me." The point where there is no open areas in my soul (because my flesh is crucified) where the enemy CAN NOT gain entrance and use me for his purposes.
    But presently, I am in the infirmiry, you could say. I'm not asking for sympathy or get well cards, but understanding on your part, as fellow soldiers of the cross, if this has ever happened to you. I'm laying myself out there bare, for you to see. I'm taking a chance, as I know that there are many of you who can not identify or who may judge me for "blaming the devil" instead of just taking matters into my own hands and just not ever do that again!!! That sounds reasonable but it's not how it works with me. It seems the harder I try to "do right" the more difficult it becomes.
      So, I rest in the finished work of the cross on my behalf, and trust that I am still a work in process, relying on His hand of grace to finish the work He has begun in me. And, there will be setbacks like last night, and I don't like those at all, but He also is helping me react to the setbacks better. I am not living in shame like I used to. I mean I am sorry for the way I acted and the hurt I may have caused, but in the past, I would have taken the self-blame to the max by opening myself up to harmful thoughts towards myself, causing further damage.(I'm finally realizing that kind of reaction causes larger gaps in my soul for future enemy entrance.)
     Now though, I let the forgiveness of God heal me, and go on!!! Now, that is progress based on His glorious work in me. Much of the time, it is only ourselves who know of this work, as you can feel your emotions and reactions internally. You know they were there, and you know when they are not there. Praise God, our only Wise and Powerful King!! Who but Him can heal our soul?









New Beginnings on Earth and In Heaven!!!

     Has it happened in your life that when someone is born, then someone dies, or visa versa? Have you noticed that before? I'm not sure what it means, except that perhaps for everyone who leaves there is another to take their place on this earth. Maybe it helps those of us who are grieving to have a new little one to help cushion the blow?
     Last Monday a very close young man in our lives had a new baby son, and then just yesterday we lost someone who also was very close to our hearts. In the unseen ecclesia of God, my husband called him "his elder." He was a quiet, mild-mannered man, who demonstrated by those manners how to be Christ-like.
     When my husband first came to Christ, he was someone who took him under his wing and unknowingly modeled the Christian life. Tom felt safe with Peter, as he didn't judge him or try and force any doctrine down his throat, but just became a friend, and if needed, could have been a confidante. The trust and the love was there.
     Tom admired Peter, in his involvement in civic and national affairs. He was one of the last diplomats, as I see it. He was not a politician. Although he held certain offices nationally, he never seemed to be proud , but took seriously the business at hand, by trying to change law and policy which were not in line with righteous standards. Most of all, though, he affected things that couldn't be documented, like being a role-model for the younger men. His wife, Mary, told me they had called him "the Sage," as they too looked up to him for the wisdom he had and expressed, and for the integrity that he possessed.
     Peter was a servant. I remember him waiting on us whenever we would come up there to visit as we ate breakfast. I know he waited on his wife, because sometimes whenever Mary and I would be talking on the phone, she'd tell me that she had to go because Peter had made supper for them. I have a husband like that too, and with fondness, we'd say that we both were spoiled.
     So, there is a time to live and a time to die. That time came for one who I know I will come to love, and for one that I did know and love. One took his first breath; one his last. And God was there in both of these sacred events.
     Our physical bodies are mysterious, aren't they? As I was talking to Mary this morning, she told me that when Peter died, the kids had said that his body was just a shell, probably alluding to the fact that Peter was so much more than his body. It's the shell we remember as the physical self, but the soul of a person is the real them.
     God tells us that we are to receive glorified bodies one day. I have thought that this meant that we will have the same look about us, but everything will be perfected.  But who really knows? What we can know, is that they we will be glorious!!!! Incorruption will overide corruption-the body of flesh. The real and the eternal will last forever with God. That reality is glorious in itself!!!
     So Peter got to go! Aaron (the newborn baby boy) had to come, so to speak. Not to diminish the earth walk, because God has purposes for little Aaron to fulfill, but in all reality going is truly the crowning glory of our lives, when we know God through Jesus Christ. And Peter did, and he is with Him.
      I love the truth that God expresses when He tells us that when we are absent from our body, we are present with the Lord. So, we are never without Him. What we call death, is not death at all, but it's a continuation of Life Eternal, but in a much more rich way, because we then get to see Him face to face. Peter is gazing into the face of Jesus; the one who died for Him. His faith all these years, has become sight. All the material blessings he may have received on earth pale in comparison to the eternal blessings he is and will continue to experience.
     Recently, my sister and I toured a very old cemetery and read the tombstones. I liked some of the things they used to write on them. One that they wrote, I will dedicate to Peter and is true of his state of being now, and is so "visually" sweet: SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS.

 

P.S.-I have to mention that Peter called me "Peppermint", short for Peppermint Patti from the Snoopy cartoon. I liked that, Peter.  Thanks for that term of endearment. It's something personal you left me with, to remember you by.





Has the Line Been Drawn?

     I sense we've come to a point on God's timeline that may be irreversible. In Revelation 22: 11  it says, "Let those who are righteous be righteous still; let those who are wicked, be wicked still." I believe this means that there will come a point in time where one cannot cross the line for the die has been cast, and I sense that this time has either come or is very close. I hope that I am wrong. If I'm not, there is only future peril and increased wickedness in the world's future. A time of futility, and no hope of improvement, and no change possible.
     During this season, the knife of division in the Lord's hand will continue to cut people apart into two distinct groups; the righteous and the wicked-those who have received Him as Savior and live their lives with Him as their Lord, desiring to do His Will, and those who deny Him, or who take His name and live for themselves, and have put other things or people over Him. He is preparing to harvest His own, and put them in His garner; under His protective arm.
     And, if what I am sensing is true, how are we to yet live?  In my own humaness, I cannot live in this kind of world. Slowly He has been preparing me for this, though, as He's instructed me in many things to "come out from among them" and "be seperate." He has not done this to restrain me in a cruel way, but to lovingly protect and prepare me for what was to come, and is possibly now here. (and will get  even worse) So, how I am to live now is just continue to be attentive to His Spirit, and keep on following Him out some more, so when the time comes,when this really escalates, "His own" will not be devastated, but will be even more securely under His arm feeling His heartbeat.
     The reality of even losing family members (the relationship completely cut off) I believe is imminent. The truth of the Scripture "whoever chooses son, daughter, farms, etc. over Me is not fit for the Kingdom of God" will be played out and tested in this time. And the one, "even members of our own household will be against each other" also will become evident. The ones who have followed the Lamb wherever He goes will somehow be connected, if only spiritually at first. Carnal desires and hopes will be dashed for these, and the pain in hearts will be terrible, but bearable with His loving care and comfort. Perhaps He will give us a glimpse of the Glory that is to come, during these trying times. Can we endure the cross, for the joy on the other side? With His power only.
      The wonderful thing in all this is His own words of encouragement to us. He said that when we see all these things happening, we are to look up that our Redemption is getting close. Isn't that what we have dreamed of and hoped for all of our lives? Even so, come Lord Jesus. We long to see you face to face!!!! Though none go with me.





Burden Bearing

     Sometimes the things I see disturb me, when the gift of discernment God has given me is in operation. I see things other people don't. I see things behind the scenes. I'm not talking about "hallucinations" or anything like that. That would not be of God.
     Let me use an example. Some people I've known for a long time have slowly eaten more and more of the world's delights and partaken of it's allurements. In the past, they had keen discernment, and   were aware of spirits of darkness and the hooks of the enemy in their lives and avoided them at all cost.
     Their focus was on Jesus Christ alone and they followed the directives of the Holy Spirit in their lives, however unusual they were. Great moves of the Spirit resulted in others' lives because of that. They saw the ones in darkness or in lack and reached out to them even when there was danger, seeming to follow the Spirit where ever He went. Outreach to others was a major part of their lives.
     Overtime, these people tasted the world after receiving what they called "freedom" and also more money at their disposal. I observed this from afar, and watched as the frog was being boiled in the pot very, very slowly, undiscernable to the naked eye. Their "goose was being cooked" and they didn't even realize that, or the damaging effects it was having on their spiritual lives. Their focus was slowly being shifted from others to themselves, even though spiritual activity was still part of their lives. I have stood by and watched the deterioration, feeling helpless, and therefore frustrated, and almost frantic at times.
     Practically each time I am around them, I see new evidences of those effects. And those are the disturbing things I see with my spiritual eyes. I have seen a falseness in them, such as a change of personality. It's as if I don't even know them anymore. Somehow their spiritual man is diminishing, while their natural man is coming forth more strongly.
     I know God has not given me this gift to be disturbed by what I see, but to do something with it. Many years ago, He was directing me to say  a specific thing to them about this shifting, and I did not do it. I have so regretted that over the years, and have wondered if I had said it, if it would have helped them snap out of it. At that time, our relationship was at a place where they may have listened. Now, we are so far apart, there doesn't seem to be any common ground, and honestly, there is an unspoken hostility there from them to me. It's a spiritual dissonance.
     I want to cast a line, hook them and reel them back in. I want to rescue them from the world, and it's attractions. I want to help them "see" again. But since they believe that they have been freed to enjoy all things now, it would be to no avail.
     So, I wait and watch and bare their burdens; the ones they don't even know they have. It's as if I am suffering for them by what I see, and what I know they would deny and even defend. I feel sorry for them and I miss them so much, my heart has been wounded deeply.
      Every once in awhile I cry out to God on their behalf for His mercy to "heal blind eyes." If and until that happens, I will suffer as proxy for them, feeling their distance from God, and hoping that they will by God's grace, "come out from among them" once again, and "be seperate" unto Him alone.

 

 







    

No Walls Needed; He will Protect Us!!!

     Some people can speed read. I wonder if I can speed write? It's 4:30 am and my husband and I will be taking our daughter to the airport in less than an hour. She came here last Monday for Thanksgiving week from her new home in California. She moved there about 3 months ago with her son, which puts her about 1300 miles away from us, so if there is a time factor, flying is the only option.
     I learned alot about myself while she was here visiting. I learned that I can not help people if the things they are wanting and needing are only supplied by God Himself, such as perfect love. I learned that until my and other's issues are resolved by putting  flesh to death by His cross, then unrest and struggles and strife will continue. I learned that things aren't going to go as I want them too, and that there are always unexpected surprises. I learned that I am still vulnerable to my buttons being pushed, and that if some of my thoughts were exposed outwardly, I would be ashamed of myself. You would have thought I would have learned these things already in life, but I guess that when a person is ready to see, then they will see.
    So, I consider myself to have grown as a result of my daughter's visit. I hope she did, too. You see there are walls there between us. I hate that. I can try and seek God for the ones that I have built over the years, and ask Him to tear them down. I can't do that for her, though. Sometimes, a person just has to accept (in this case, me) the fact that another person they love is not ready to tear theirs down. Maybe they are afraid to, as they remember times when they first built  those walls for self-protection from the other's hurtful ways in the past. To everything there is a season.
     Those last 2 sentences were from God's vision and wisdom imparted to me, as I've never thought of that before I just typed them, and I'm chewing on it, and I'm "wowed" because of it, and as a result, mercy towards her is flowing through me. I, myself, have been there. I mean with the wall-building to protect myself.
     I came into my marriage with walls from my childhood. I had thick walls of protection because of being brought up in a critical and negative environment. I felt as if I was doing wrong alot of the time; feeling guilty even when I hadn't done anything. This shame-based existence built defenses in me, I was unaware of until I married and the results of them came out. God is still dismantling them in me today, and He is the only One who can dismantle my daughter's walls; I can't do it, nor can I convince her I am not going to hurt her. The truth of the matter is that I still might, even though God has done so much work in me. I am still not perfected, but will continue to let Him finish what He's started in me, and it can only be good in the end.
     In the meantime, though, I have to accept a lesser relationship with my daughter than I desire, realizing that only by me letting Him do His work in me is the only way it will improve, and accept that. I can't make her let Him do the work He needs to do in her. That is hard. That is the cross. So, I yield to Him, and believe Him for the outcome. It must be so. Amen.

 

 

I hope this song will encourage those of you who either have walls inside of your heart, or know other's who you love that do. Picture Joshua (in the Old Testament account) as the Holy Spirit. Picture Jericho as your heart, and the great and mighty wall around it as the walls you've built for self-protection. Hear the trumpet sound, as God directs His Spirit to march around the city 7 times! And now, picture those walls tumbling down in "due season"-at the appointed, or perfect time. See Jericho (your heart) free now for Jesus's love to flow into and out of your heart, as the rubble from the walls is cleared away. Praise Him for what He will do, as you submit to His plan to restore your soul, and see miracles take place in you and in your relationships. See Him high and lifted up in your life, with all the glory given to Him as He brings the victory into your life!!!! 

 

P.S.-Isn't this little boy precious? And "hello" my dear Pakistani visitor!!! God does indeed love you through Jesus, His Son! May you be blessed this and everyday by His Presence. 



    

Sharing the Richness in Our Hearts

     And He gives us richly all things to enjoy!!!! Last night when I was driving home from our Thanksgiving gathering, I was reflecting on what has transpired, who was there and the general time we shared. One word came to my mind-Rich. God has provided for me some people in my life in my husband's family who I like very much, even have come to love over the past 41 years, and I am rich because of it. As I told you before, whenever I think of my blessings in this way, guilt wants to creep in. Not the kind where I did something wrong, but the kind where I have something, and I know many in the world do not. I realize at the same time, though, that I cannot truly let my gratitude flow back to God if I feel this way, so I try to fight it.
     It seems like my blessings, if just endeared to my own heart and just stay there, go sour on me. We are made to be flowing vessels. But how can I "give" the experience I had on Thanksgiving away to anyone? I mean it was mine, and the day is gone. It's over and done with. Or is it? Could it be that God gave me that rich day to be planted in my heart to reflect on how good it feels to be surrounded by loving people, so that I can be that person in another's life under different circumstances? I think it's good to be aware of what we have, and what other's don't and give ourselves and our resources away to the less fortunate as God directs.
     The past few years God has blessed our family after decades of struggling to survive, as it felt. (When I say that, I realize that our struggling was really nothing compared to what many struggle with in the world.) But, by many standards here in America, we struggled financially, emotionally, and obviously spiritually. We tried to make it in our own strength because we didn't know the Lord then, and failed. He used these failures, though, to cause us to call out to Him, so they certainly served a good purpose.
     Overtime, when He brought salvation to each and every person in our family, we would reach out to others with our new found faith, and give of ourselves. It's not that our financial status had improved at this time, but we wanted to share the good news of Jesus to those we saw around us who seemed like they needed to know Him. That was one of the richest times of my life! We served as a family in outreach to others.
     As I stated, a few years ago, our finances improved greatly from an unexpected source. My husband and I have continued to share our resources with the needy, and even more so than we were able to before, but I'm wondering if we have gotten more distant in one on one contact than we had before. Looking back at Thanksgiving yesterday and the rich time I had just being together, I am thinking that love is a better gift than money.(although needed) I don't want to be distant from the poor and needy by giving them a check or money, and then not be available to them one on one. I want more, and know that they need more from me, than a "paper relationship." How stale and dry is money without love? Jesus said we could give all our money to the poor, and if we didn't have love it is all nothing! That really says it all. Just ask any child whose Dad gives them everything they want, and is never there for them. They will tell you about how shallow and hurtful the payoff is.
     So, I am thankful for yesterday and the rich day I had, but I'm also going to ask God to help me be aware of those in my world, and outside my world, (if that is how He leads me) who need the richness of the love He's put in my heart to give away. I'm going to ask Him to help me be brave to act on it, and begin again to relate to those love-hungry hearts each and everyday.
    

 

Thankful for Him

     It's Thanksgiving here in America. For those of you in other parts of the world, who don't know, what many people do here on this day is cook a turkey, dressing (which is some bread with herbs and eggs cooked together) vegetables, and other items, pies and cakes, and have family and friends over. We eat too much, and visit with our relatives we haven't seen in awhile. Some people watch a football game on T.V. Others go hunting, or play card games, or something like that. Some take group pictures. This is usually an all day affair. At the end of the day, many people are heard to say, "Why did I eat too much?"
     We are going to my husband's sister's house where probably 40 or so people will be there. We live about 18 miles north of her in the country. She bought the family home about 10 years ago, and added 2 stories to it. It is a beautiful place, with many memories attached to it. My husband and his family grew up there. Then it was a modest ranch style brick home; one of the first ones built where they live.
     The reason Thanksgiving started here is to commemorate when the Indians (native Americans) and the Pilgrims (first white men that landed here) had a meal together, which showed a cooperation between the 2 groups of people. Somehow it turned into reflecting on why one is thankful, and that we should "give thanks" to God for our blessings. I think that part has fallen by the wayside over the years, but I hear, that some people still do that.
     So, I tried to do that this morning while lying in my bed, and I came up with this: I am thankful that all my material needs are being supplied. I know in my head that is a huge thing, especially when I think of and know about many others in other countries whose basic needs are not being met. Sometimes I have survivors guilt when I think about that, and I could go into wondering why some are provided for in this way, and some are not. This can affect my own thankfulness though, which is not good.
     Another thing I am thankful to God for is having Jesus in my life and heart. This is the best thing, and is something that anyone throughout this world can have. No matter what one's condition is (and I know some are deplorable, and I am compassionate towards that) they can have Jesus. And I also believe that He will answer their cries for what they need and supply them. I really do believe that because He says that He will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory!
      The question then becomes what is it we need? Hmmmm........ That just came to me. I know that in India many don't have 3 square meals a day, and are happy in the Lord regardless. The lepers who live in very depressed conditions by anyone's standards, realize that being in Christ is the main thing. They know Him as the pearl of great price indeed. They consider themselves rich, and full and content. I know this for a fact, as I've been there and visited with them personally. And I have heard that many Christians in other countries know Him in that way, too.
     I want to get to that point. I want to know who He truly is, above all else. I think He is moving me in that direction. I am learning how to let all other things go (inside of me) and to be content fully with just Him, to have no other gods (idols or anything that is treasured) in place of or before Him.

    
 This song was the one God exposed me to, whenever all hell was breaking loose in my and my families' life. He was giving me perspective. He was saying to me that He was still here, and that was the main thing. Amen.
     Everyone throughout the world who know Him can celebrate this kind of thanksgiving each and everyday, because He's given Jesus Christ His Son.

Advancing His Kingdom

     When the "Kingdom of God suffers violence" what does that mean? Is it when the enemy comes against a member of that Kingdom, or when someone in the Kingdom suffers themselves from their own flesh being crucified by denying themselves, or both? Or is when a person who is His, does not overcome temptations of the flesh and goes against the Will of the One who is King?
      Some might say it's when the culture acts against God such as prohibiting prayer in school, or enacting some godless law such as allowing abortion. I disagree with the above. Let me explain. The Kingdom of God is within those who have accepted Jesus Christ's sacrifice for themselves. If someone who is alive in Christ gets pregnant and is not married and it's not a good time to have a baby, and if abortion is legal in their country, such as our own, abortion is not an option for them, even if it is legal. The Kingdom of God has not suffered at all, just because abortion is legal, (the society suffers, though)  because the individuals who are Christ's will not submit to such a thing, as they have the Life giving and supporting Spirit within them. It is only when Christ's followers would actually get an abortion, that they would allow the Kingdom to be put in peril and suffer because of it. We are that Kingdom!!! It's only when we go against the King, our Head, and do what feels good, seems right,  defer to our flesh, or either ignore His lead, or not even inquire of His will that His Kingdom suffers in those kinds of scenarios.
      I'm referring to the Scripture that says, "the Kingdom of God suffers violence, and the violent take it by force."
     (Since I have become aware that some people can and do take this literally, by believing in actual, physical warfare "for God" I am also realizing that if it comes to that in this world, that I will have to seperate from them. The days of "taking the land" are over. I say cautiously, and with trepidation,  that the "day of the martyrs" is here.)
      It was many years ago that the Holy Spirit showed me and my husband that before Jesus came to earth, God expressed Himself in a literal manner, but then after He died and was raised to life, and the Holy Spirit came in men, all things were to be seen and heard spiritually. So, when we are to take the Kingdom (back) by force, we are to do it "not by might, and not by power (our own) but by His Spirit,"as the Lord says.
     Let's continue with the above scenario. Let us say that the pregnant woman, who is the Lord's, did not rely on the Spirit's power to overcome the temptation, and she did get an abortion. How does she allow that part of the Kingdom in her that was destroyed, to be restored? She accepts the forgiveness of God, after she truly regrets and is sorry for her sin. It is her act that caused the Kingdom to suffer, and it is His act that can restore it in her. This is just a minute example of the playing out of the truth of Scripture, and what part each member shares in it, in their individual lives. The better way, though, is for the people in His Kingdom to never give into the flesh or our weakness in the first place. Then we advance the Kingdom in us, and I  believe, on earth.
       So, are we advancing the Kingdom in our daily lives, as we rely on the Spirit's power to overcome in and through us. If we submit to our flesh or the enemy's "will" we are one who is fighting against His Kingdom, and vicariously against the King Himself.
     Reliance and submission to His Spirit in us, is so important. Being aware of Him in us, and yielding to that power is basic for those of us who desire to be front line soldiers for His Kingdom, and He is looking for a few good men. Will you sign up today?

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The Pain and Glory of Freedom

     I'm really not meaning for this to sound like my personal journal, but I find myself writing about my personal thoughts and feelings lately, and how that reflects the work the Lord is doing in me.
     Take yesterday for example. Our family day. It was indeed a God day, as I mentioned but not in the way one would normally think of it.  He is helping me learn 3 things, which I got a good dose of:  1) Our ideas and plans if submitted to the Lord, will fail. There will be things that "happen" to upset them, and for purposes unknown to us unless the Lord reveals what they are. 2) We can do things differently than we've ever done before, and even against our own character, and things will be o.k.-the world will not come to an end. 3) I don't have to always have my input to feel secure and significant.
     Some would say that these are lessons everyone must learn in order to make it in this world; to be able to cope, and they could be correct, but for someone who has not previously learned these things, and who is being conformed to the image of Christ, they can seem like invasive surgery. Indeed, they are surgery of the soul.
     As I woke up this morning, I am still stunned at how I was able to let many things go when they "upset my plans." It felt like I was being irresponsible, or even stupid, as the world passed by and I didn't try and stop it. It seems God has worked the ability in me (or maybe I already had that ability and didn't/couldn't/wouldn't, use it) to not have to be in control all the time. I actually experienced what it feels  like to be, what I have called in the past, "passive." Maybe it's not passivity I have seen in people, but it could be that they have trusted in God to handle the details of life, because it was too overwhelming for them to do it? Or could it be that God is answering my prayer from yesterday to help me see what is and is not being controlling. Oh, I just love Him.
     Phew!!!!! My mind and perspective are certainly being reworked, and the freedom that it is bringing, does not currently feel so good. Well, it does and it doesn't. Atleast I know that I have gotten off the prison bench, and I'm walking towards Jesus. And, I will keep going! All of this is the result of His work in me. I know that if He had not had me on His reform program  that I would have continued in my rigid ways, and would have become worse as I got older. It would have been inevitable. There would have been no change, and no permanent change for sure!
     The ways of God are passed finding out!!! Although I can observe what is going on inside of me, and some of how that affects others, I can't know how God does it and what He has done in me. (the mechanics of transformation, so to speak) I CAN know that it is amazing, miraculous, life-changing and eternal. Oh, for Christ to be formed in us is a long, hard, behavior changing, mind-reworking, and glorious process!!!Even so, keep coming Lord Jesus.

 

 

This is a beautiful song of ministry to and about Jesus. Let Him come in you and take you away to His heart, and let Him come one Day for all to see and worship!!!!

Seeing Him in Each Day

     Today is a big day for me! My daughter and grandson are flying in from California, and  the rest of my family is coming to our home to be together. We will take a family picture in front of the old barn, then the boys and men will go hunting. The girls will come to the house and do something, and when the guys come home, we will eat chicken and dumplings. Then we will celebrate my sister's birthday with cake and icecream. All my 8 grandchildren will be here! It will be a good day!
     Of course, with every good day and even the bad ones, it is always a God day, meaning that if I seek His presence and inquire of His purpose in each day, He usually shows me. Yesterday I discovered that I could keep my mouth shut, by relying on His power, even when tempted to share my input. My son and husband were talking, and I did share some, but many times when I wanted to, I didn't. Being conscious of the Holy Spirit's leading even in conversation, is good and wise. It allows His will to be done, instead of my own
     He showed me a few reasons why He wanted me to keep quiet in those moments: 1) So that my son and husband could have those moments to themselves alone, to strengthen their relationship. 2) For me to exercise self-control. 3) To hear and accept from what I heard my son saying that my walk with Him would be with just me and Him and He is preparing me to stand on what He has shown me, though none go with me.
     This last reason will be the hardest one to accept, as I've always been a person who felt I needed endorsment, and God was showing me that His endorsement is all I am going to get and need when the chips fall. Things that "happen" to us today are being used by Him to strenghthen us for tomorrow if we have said, "yes" to His purpose of Him conforming us to His image, and are allowing Him to lead us out of the systems of man, putting our totat trust in Him.
     This narrow path is not easy. It's lonely, it's often frightening and it's constraining. For now. But later, it will be glorious, and I've always said, "worth it." We can't even imagine the things He's planned for us!!!
     So, today will carry it's own opportunities to see Him and His Kingdom, and His purposes, even though it will just appear like it's a great family day on earth! Oh, I forgot the word "strange" when mentioning the narrow path. Isn't it unique that we live on this planet and participate on one realm, and also are part of the spiritual realm if we've been born of the Spirit. One (the seen one) is temporal (or passing away) the other one (the unseen one) is the real one because it is eternal.
     I'll tap into the eternal one today using my spiritual eyes and ears and attempt to see and hear what the Spirit will say to me. No matter how it turns out, (good or bad as our natural selves term it) the Spirit will speak, and that is really what matters most. I long to see Him in everything, as He really is.

Hello and welcome, Estonia!! Is it cold up there? Brrrrr. It's in the 70's here in the South USA. God is with you in all your trials, tribulations, and in the easy times. Call on Him, and come to Him. He is waiting for you, as you are precious in His sight.
I  "googled" Estonia and found out a few things about you. Are you Christian and "what kind"?  I'm interested. Email me.(on my profile)

Seeking His Vision

     I'm still not sure what being "controlling" looks like. I've been accused of it by my husband. He was brought up not interferring with anyone's choice to the point of not even saying anything if what another's choice was seemed dangerous. (As I see it.) And I grew up believing that if I didn't say something  it was being indifferent and not loving them, if I felt another's decision was putting them in peril somehow. So where is that line of entering another's life? Of course, I know, it depends on the situation, and after consulting the Holy Spirit. That one I realize, finally.
     I used to just blurt out because my emotion of fear was stirred, and say what was on my mind. I realize now that only helped me be relieved of the feeling of fear, and probably caused damage in a relationship as a result. Now, I restrain myself (sometimes) and seek God. I know He knows the ins and outs of the other person and me, (the big picture) and His wisdom is perfect, whereas I sometimes just base things on what I see with my eyes.
     Take for example my current reality: I am sitting here typing this post, having coffee at 5:40 am, while my husband is sitting in his chair in the living room, having his coffee and reading a farm magazine. Routinely if I get up before he does and get on the computer to check my blog and post, he gets a farm magazine and reads it. Religiously.
     He used to read the word of God; now he doesn't. I was thinking that whenever I saw the farm magazine in his hand, and so much wanted to blurt out, "why don't you read your word?" I mean, as his wife and sister in the Lord, aren't I supposed to remind him of things good for him? Is that being controlling? Is "letting go and letting God just being silent always?"
      As I type that I'm reminded of the truth in His word which says there is a time to speak, and a time to keep quiet, then in James it talks about the dangers of the tongue, and so all of that enters into it, I know. Oh, and don't forget that a word fittly spoken is like apples of gold, in pictures of  silver. (I think that means a good thing.) So, it seems like timing without blurting, but in giving words of the spirit would be hallmark, and to be careful in how I say something.  (I'm preaching to myself here.)
     I am not thoroughly convinced, though that always being silent is the thing, but I am affected by my husband's past accusations, and in many cases I know that I have been controlling. I don't want to be, because I know that is wrong and harmful. But, to be totally removed from what I see happening, and ignore that and not speak, would seem like enabling him to continue not to seek God more, and to fill his mind with farm things and things of this world. (like reading current events for a long time on the internet day in and day out)
     Am I just supposed to pray for him and keep my mouth shut? These are unsettled things in me. I am processing "out loud" here, and not justifying myself or saying he's wrong either. Just desiring clarity based on God's vision in this area.
     I didn't say anything to him, as 1) I knew he wouldn't like it and 2) the Holy Spirit is keeping me quiet for now. And I will seek Him for answers. I want to see the picture of control clearly, and that is what I will ask Him for. I know my husband's view and I know mine, (and I am affected by both) but I want to know His.
     So, for those of you "out there" who also would like God's view of this, join with me in asking Him now: God, I want to know what being controlling is and is not. I want your view and vision about this. I don't like muddy waters. Please make your vision clear to me in this area, and right now help me know how to handle this present situation concerning my husband. I give it to you, and wait until you reveal something to me. It is heavy on my heart, though, and I need your grace to restrain my urges. Amen.
     That is how I personally talk to Him daily. I need help in the little things as they come up. And I know He is interested in me being interested in seeking His will, no matter what it is. I'm so glad He is.

You are Free!!!

     "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" God's word says. Is it also true that the Spirit of the Lord can be present if there is freedom? I have discovered that as the Spirit "takes dominion" in me, I experience freedom in who I am and to be that without apology. I am talking about who God created me to be (my unique characteristics) and not my flesh being unrestrained.
     What am I getting at? I was thinking back on the environment that was mine, as I grew up. As I watched the movie "Heidi" last night, I saw my Dad in the grouchy, old grandfather. I then wondered, "what was Dad mad at alot of the time?" He was critical, blaming, and negative. This environment affected me, a tender young child. Overtime, it seemed like I became passive and tried to follow the commands he gave. I became a rule-oriented person. I didn't even know I could be me, or dared not try because it might violate the rules, and I would get in trouble. So, subconsciously, I tip-toed lightly in my own home, not even knowing who I was. My real self went underground before it was even allowed to surface. There was no freedom, and so I didn't feel God's presence. It was hollow, lonely and lifeless on the inside of me.
     An unanswered question remains: Why did I respond that way to my Dad, while my Mom seemed happy and care-free? Why didn't I "ignore" him and gravitate towards her and her way of looking at things? You see, whatever was troubling Dad, I became like him in many ways. Maybe it was just our personalities, as my sister has said. I am a melancholy, which is a serious minded, deep thinker. Or am I? Would I have been more free and outward if my environment had been one I could flourish in? If there had been freedom to grow and learn and be?
     I have a theory: If a child's unbringing is one of love, freedom (allowed to make age-appropriate decisions) and grace (not condemned or shamed when they fail, but encouraged to do better the next time) then they become more fully themselves. They develop in the time frame He intends, instead of "pulling up the rear" in becoming themselves. I am saying that for myself and I'm sure many others, who are presently (whatever age) just now doing that.
     The beautiful thing about it is, that when we become His, He puts His Holy Spirit within us, and then, due to His cleansing power and the renewing of our minds, we taste of that freedom and grow into ourselves, who overtime, we begin to feel comfortable with. Without pride, we even enjoy ourselves, and others as we relate to them. We begin to experience abundant life in Him!
     Again, God offers us a second chance. Whatever was lacking in our upbringing, He provides for us when we become His and grow in His grace, love and freedom!!! I've heard the expression, "He reverses the curse," which would seem to apply here.
      Some need more than others, because a few people did get that grace-filled environment to grow in, and that core of who they truly are was allowed to develop, and they still have that, never to be destroyed, in adulthood. That is the case with my sister-in-laws, who I took the trip with, and we talked about that. I used to be jealous of them for the stability they have, but now I allow God to use the example for me to learn what being stable looks like.
     God is putting me back together again, like Humpty Dumpty, even though all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't. (Anything other than Him.) I am coming into my own, and it feels good and right. Instead of holding back because of fear of punishment, I am trusting in His unconditional acceptance of me, and relying on His grace for me if I mess up. Gradually, change is happening; change for the good. And if you are His, He promises the same for you. He will make all things new, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. You will be free of the control of sin over you, and free to be you as He conforms you to His image. You will become "His Impression, Your Expression."

 

He's Working Behind the Scenes on Your Behalf

     What  are you believing God for?  All God's children, because we are His children, could be standing in faith trusting Him to do something on our behalf, knowing that He is a loving and caring Father. We need Him.
      As I was prompted to write these words, I had to think about it myself. God has brought me and my family out of darkness and into His light, as of about 15 years ago, and since then has been slowly bringing us into more and more light. Before that time, we lived under heavy oppression in all areas of our being and lives. But, in 1996 that began to change as each family member was drawn by Him to come out into the light of the love of Jesus Christ's sacrifice for them.
     Now, I am believing Him to keep us in Him and to conform us into Him image for the praise of  His glory, especially in this dark age of false doctrine and lying signs and wonders that the Lord warns us about.
     Another promise that I have held onto is that He would make my husband and I "one," and I trust that He is doing that, even though "sight" has not yet come fully. The changes He is making in me internally, I know He is using to do that, and I can only trust that He is making changes in my husband also. It is impossible to be made "one" if neither husband or wife is in the Lord, as any oneness they might have would be only in the flesh. The oneness of God is spiritual and eternal, in an unexplainable sort of way, as it is based on being united with Him first, and then out of that comes the oneness between the spouses. It can't be explained, except to say that each time either one submits to His will, however that is, affects the oneness as a couple. It is a mysteriously, beautiful thing.
     But I am aware that there are many out there, who are still under oppression of one kind or another, and I am sympathetic towards those who are, as I know what it is like to live that way. It is an existence of hopelessness and lack that can affect one internally with depression and fears. It is a dark cloud which you can't seem to get out from under. God is in that cloud, according to Psalm 18, and as you trust Him to rescue  you, I can guarantee, that He will. He hears  your cries, as He heard mine many years ago.
     His very nature is to rescue, save, and restore. Hold on and don't give up. Everyone's faith in Him must be tested with one thing or another. Will we still believe Him in the midst of the darkness, or do we only believe Him when everything is fine? He may be waiting to see what you will do. His delay may be because you have been wanting Him to do something that is according to your will, and not His. "All His promises are 'yes' and 'amen,'" but not everything we want is.
     So, He's doing something in you in the waiting period-that time between you asking and believing Him for a promise according to His will and the time it actually becomes true in the natural realm. Trust that. Trust Him. He still loves you and those you love in your situation, and He will make all things beautiful in His time. As one who has gone through the darkness and come out on the other side, I can say that He is faithful, and He will do it. Keep believing.

If you would like to receive a copy of how God rescued our family, contact me by email (in my profile)  and I will send you one of my booklets about that called, Out of the Darkness and Into the Light. I would like to share the story of His grace and goodness on our behalf with you, so that you too will know He will do it for you and yours.

Hello new countries of Sweden and Italy!!! You are welcomed here and loved by God with all of His heart, and He will complete the work He has started in you to the praise of His glory. Amen.

Restoration!

    Well, I'm reporting on my trip with the sister-in-laws (see yesterday's post) for those who are interested. I had a nice time, and I believe everyone else did too. During the course the Lord opened my eyes to many things about myself. Mainly I was aware of His nature coming out in me, which demonstrated the work He has been doing. I reacted to situations and people much differently than I would have 5 years ago, or even 2 or 3 years ago. He's removed things in me, and is coming forth through me. For instance, I didn't have to know all the answers, or even if I thought I knew something, I would keep quiet at times. I think that was being in tuned to His timing, even in the midst of conversation. I can't negate the possibility that the Holy Spirit has used these very sister-in-laws for my life over the years to help teach me things as examples. They have modeled how to be respectful of people and what they (other people) bring to the table. They are kind and courteous and as far as I see it "esteem others better than themselves." I know they are not perfect, and since they are in the Bible Study with me about how Grace transforms us, He is also working in them, upsetting former long-held mindsets which have dominated their hearts, but I am seeing how He has used their good ways to demonstrate things to me.
     I didn't feel like I was someone to put up with, but actually someone who added something to the group. We were able to "have fun" by shopping, playing cards, and laughing, but we also got around to sharing very personal, and hurtful things in our lives, as each one listened, had compassion and "advice" too. There are a couple of dire situations that 2 women shared that so need the counsel of God to know how to deal with them. A human being just can not do it, and these women are confessing that.
     I so desire that they really believe and know that God is listening to them, and that He will show them the way and that they will trust in it. I know many years ago, I was at a point of desperation with my family, and I knew that if He didn't save them, they wouldn't be saved. I also knew He would. I believed and knew He was the only One who could, and He gave me a gift of faith to believe Him for this "impossible" situation. I tried to share that with one of them yesterday, but I don't know if it got through or not. It seemed like they were so focused on the enormity of the problems, and I surely understand the temptation to the flesh in this, which I had also done before I was able or willing to let go of my situation.
     When I was going through the knotted yarn ball in my life which could not be untangled no matter how hard I tried, I finally relegated myself to His grace and power. I stood at the shore of the Red Sea, so to speak, and all I could do was have faith in Him, hold up the staff like Moses, and "stand back and watch the glory of God." And He came through, in His way and in His time. As I shared with my sister-in-law, if you are praying His will, there is NO DOUBT that He will answer your prayer.  I mean that. His Will WILL be done, answering faithful and believing hearts. And that goes across the board.
     So, could it be that He is bringing me out to "normal" life, because of His nature increasing in me, to enact change in those things He touches through me? I know He doesn't work in formulas, but day by day He does new things, but I am just watching out for that. Does He want me to get more involved in other people's lives and connect with them more? I await His guidance in this. If He does, can He trust that I will not try and 1) take the limelight over Him? 2) Not be easily offended or critical or self-serving and misrepresent Him often? or 3) Not operate in my insecurities as to offend others in different ways? I honestly don't know where He's at in me, but I saw as I went on this "girl's day" trip, that He has indeed done so much work that I didn't even recognize myself really, and I liked that person; that New Man He's created. I saw Jesus come through me. His fire in me the past 20 years has indeed left it's mark; the mark of His Spirit, and it's beautiful.
     So, yes it was a spiritual trip because He was there in us all, and He had His way I believe. You know it only takes one person to let Him be released for that to happen, and then with that submission He comes and comes completely, and His will begins to be done. Oh, the blessed Will of God in operation restoring everything in it's path!!! Like volcanic lava coming down the mountain, bringing it's destruction and then many years later, producing some of the most beautiful plants, flowers and flowers that have ever been seen! That is what He is producing in us!!! Unless something dies, it can not truly Live, and only Christ is that Life. Abundant life; life everlasting!!!

 

ZIMBABWE-Welcome to you!!! Your country is blessed of the Lord and you are too! May His restoration consume both, that the world can see the everlasting Life that He is!!!

 

Enjoy the Waterfall?

     The idea of "fun" makes me uncomfortable. Now, for you outgoing people, I know you don't understand this. The reason it makes me feel this way, is because there is no guide book for it, and no perameters. Does it include laughing, or can enjoyment qualify too? Is it something children just do, or can adults participate? Is it unrestrained or can it be more reserved, yet pleasurable? Since I am a person who wants to see things clearly, the concept of "fun" blows that out of the water. It is not a well-defined thing, and it seems like each person would define it differently.
    The reason why I am going down this path of thought now, is that today I am supposed to have "fun." Myself, my sister-in-laws, and my aunt are going to another town about 2 hours away to spend the night in a time-share townhouse, and have fun. I know that there has been talk of going shopping, eating out, and I am supposing whatever else we find to do that is "fun." Again, fun is not really my thing, so I will let the veterans decide what to do and tag along. Maybe I'll learn something.
     The bottom line for me is what the Lord would have me do or be as I go. I have my antennae up for that one. (Seeking the Holy Spirit) I know He led me into this trip, because it just sort of happened, and I was looped into it. I didn't resist, as He is teaching me to "let go" as He is leading through others too in my life. I sense that He is wanting me to go for them, but also for me. He's wanting me to well, enjoy myself, and that is hard for me to do. I would much rather be doing something that I see as significant for the Kingdom, then do something I perceive as frivolous. But, He is asking me to let go of my former perceptions as He conforms me to His image, and I believe this is one of them He is changing in me, although it is very hard to let go of.
      As I look at it, I think the reason it is difficult for me is that to let go, and to have fun would involve being more free within myself around others than I am comfortable with because it might draw attention to me. It is a matter of showing a side of myself that I don't want to show. I am much more comfortable being reserved. And, then, in the past, there has been a fear associated with it, and that is the fear that I might like fun too much and of go head long into the world, and begin to do more and more frivolous things and not be about the Father's business on this earth. As I type this, I see that these fears (like all fear) are not true, and He is reminding me once again that He is my Keeper, and won't let me get off the path.
     With that revelation, I go in confidence in this fun expedition. Now,I am excited about going and seeing where He leads, and what He does in and through it all. I'm reminded that He is in me, and that He lives and moves and has His breath in me no matter where I am or what I am doing.( I might even learn about laughing being the best medicine, and He'll bring some kind of healing in me through it? ) He's also reminding me that whatever I do is a spiritual experience, because of Him in me who is Spirit.
      Lord, thy will be done. This journey is not just about being in the boat with you going down a peaceful river, but also about going down the waterfall. Help me be released not to grab onto a branch on the bank and stop what you are wanting to do in me, to the praise of your glory. Amen.

Welcome to my blog, dear one from Malaysia! God's love for you is enormous!!