Great and Unsearchable Things

Things the Lord gives me, and then I write them.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Enjoy the Waterfall?

     The idea of "fun" makes me uncomfortable. Now, for you outgoing people, I know you don't understand this. The reason it makes me feel this way, is because there is no guide book for it, and no perameters. Does it include laughing, or can enjoyment qualify too? Is it something children just do, or can adults participate? Is it unrestrained or can it be more reserved, yet pleasurable? Since I am a person who wants to see things clearly, the concept of "fun" blows that out of the water. It is not a well-defined thing, and it seems like each person would define it differently.
    The reason why I am going down this path of thought now, is that today I am supposed to have "fun." Myself, my sister-in-laws, and my aunt are going to another town about 2 hours away to spend the night in a time-share townhouse, and have fun. I know that there has been talk of going shopping, eating out, and I am supposing whatever else we find to do that is "fun." Again, fun is not really my thing, so I will let the veterans decide what to do and tag along. Maybe I'll learn something.
     The bottom line for me is what the Lord would have me do or be as I go. I have my antennae up for that one. (Seeking the Holy Spirit) I know He led me into this trip, because it just sort of happened, and I was looped into it. I didn't resist, as He is teaching me to "let go" as He is leading through others too in my life. I sense that He is wanting me to go for them, but also for me. He's wanting me to well, enjoy myself, and that is hard for me to do. I would much rather be doing something that I see as significant for the Kingdom, then do something I perceive as frivolous. But, He is asking me to let go of my former perceptions as He conforms me to His image, and I believe this is one of them He is changing in me, although it is very hard to let go of.
      As I look at it, I think the reason it is difficult for me is that to let go, and to have fun would involve being more free within myself around others than I am comfortable with because it might draw attention to me. It is a matter of showing a side of myself that I don't want to show. I am much more comfortable being reserved. And, then, in the past, there has been a fear associated with it, and that is the fear that I might like fun too much and of go head long into the world, and begin to do more and more frivolous things and not be about the Father's business on this earth. As I type this, I see that these fears (like all fear) are not true, and He is reminding me once again that He is my Keeper, and won't let me get off the path.
     With that revelation, I go in confidence in this fun expedition. Now,I am excited about going and seeing where He leads, and what He does in and through it all. I'm reminded that He is in me, and that He lives and moves and has His breath in me no matter where I am or what I am doing.( I might even learn about laughing being the best medicine, and He'll bring some kind of healing in me through it? ) He's also reminding me that whatever I do is a spiritual experience, because of Him in me who is Spirit.
      Lord, thy will be done. This journey is not just about being in the boat with you going down a peaceful river, but also about going down the waterfall. Help me be released not to grab onto a branch on the bank and stop what you are wanting to do in me, to the praise of your glory. Amen.

Welcome to my blog, dear one from Malaysia! God's love for you is enormous!!


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