The Morning After
Have you ever been rocking along pretty well with the Lord and the seas on the inside of you are calm and clear, and then all of a sudden, without notice a typhoon appears, and the sea is raging? God has brought much freedom and resultant stability to my soul lately, and I don't think the enemy has liked it one little bit. Someone once said that he can't read your mind, but he can observe your behavior. My behavior has been changing for the good. I have been able to react to things differently than I had before, based on the work on the inside of me that God, by His power to sanctify, has done. And as I said before-The enemy is mad! There are areas in me he once held captive, which I am now free in, and he can no longer touch, to cause me to react negatively.
But, yesterday, unannounced, he hit me from behind when a certain thing happened that triggered me big time, and I lost it!! That is not to say the work God has done in me is undone; not at all. What He has done, He has done. But, it did show me definately that His work isn't finished! My flesh is still alive in many areas, and this just happened to be one of them.
I open myself to His searchlight to see exactly what it is in me that is causing so much disturbance in this area. I know consciously the things I am afraid of, but I don't know where it is coming from. I don't know the root of it. He usually reveals these things to me, so that I can give them back to Him for His cleansing in surrender.
Of course, when his attacks happen and I react out of my flesh, I hurt myself and others in the process, and in that way the enemy has won. My only consolation in all of this is that God forgives, and I know who has ultimately won the war, even though, if I am honest, I have to say sadly and regrettable, that the enemy won that battle in my life, and on my husband and my 41st anniversary at that!!! He really did it up good. :(
This morning I am living on the other side of the battle, or should I say skirmish. I didn't really fight back. I was just filled with schrapnel by the incoming barrage of bullets. I so long for the time when I am made whole to the point where "nothing moves me." The point where there is no open areas in my soul (because my flesh is crucified) where the enemy CAN NOT gain entrance and use me for his purposes.
But presently, I am in the infirmiry, you could say. I'm not asking for sympathy or get well cards, but understanding on your part, as fellow soldiers of the cross, if this has ever happened to you. I'm laying myself out there bare, for you to see. I'm taking a chance, as I know that there are many of you who can not identify or who may judge me for "blaming the devil" instead of just taking matters into my own hands and just not ever do that again!!! That sounds reasonable but it's not how it works with me. It seems the harder I try to "do right" the more difficult it becomes.
So, I rest in the finished work of the cross on my behalf, and trust that I am still a work in process, relying on His hand of grace to finish the work He has begun in me. And, there will be setbacks like last night, and I don't like those at all, but He also is helping me react to the setbacks better. I am not living in shame like I used to. I mean I am sorry for the way I acted and the hurt I may have caused, but in the past, I would have taken the self-blame to the max by opening myself up to harmful thoughts towards myself, causing further damage.(I'm finally realizing that kind of reaction causes larger gaps in my soul for future enemy entrance.)
Now though, I let the forgiveness of God heal me, and go on!!! Now, that is progress based on His glorious work in me. Much of the time, it is only ourselves who know of this work, as you can feel your emotions and reactions internally. You know they were there, and you know when they are not there. Praise God, our only Wise and Powerful King!! Who but Him can heal our soul?
But, yesterday, unannounced, he hit me from behind when a certain thing happened that triggered me big time, and I lost it!! That is not to say the work God has done in me is undone; not at all. What He has done, He has done. But, it did show me definately that His work isn't finished! My flesh is still alive in many areas, and this just happened to be one of them.
I open myself to His searchlight to see exactly what it is in me that is causing so much disturbance in this area. I know consciously the things I am afraid of, but I don't know where it is coming from. I don't know the root of it. He usually reveals these things to me, so that I can give them back to Him for His cleansing in surrender.
Of course, when his attacks happen and I react out of my flesh, I hurt myself and others in the process, and in that way the enemy has won. My only consolation in all of this is that God forgives, and I know who has ultimately won the war, even though, if I am honest, I have to say sadly and regrettable, that the enemy won that battle in my life, and on my husband and my 41st anniversary at that!!! He really did it up good. :(
This morning I am living on the other side of the battle, or should I say skirmish. I didn't really fight back. I was just filled with schrapnel by the incoming barrage of bullets. I so long for the time when I am made whole to the point where "nothing moves me." The point where there is no open areas in my soul (because my flesh is crucified) where the enemy CAN NOT gain entrance and use me for his purposes.
But presently, I am in the infirmiry, you could say. I'm not asking for sympathy or get well cards, but understanding on your part, as fellow soldiers of the cross, if this has ever happened to you. I'm laying myself out there bare, for you to see. I'm taking a chance, as I know that there are many of you who can not identify or who may judge me for "blaming the devil" instead of just taking matters into my own hands and just not ever do that again!!! That sounds reasonable but it's not how it works with me. It seems the harder I try to "do right" the more difficult it becomes.
So, I rest in the finished work of the cross on my behalf, and trust that I am still a work in process, relying on His hand of grace to finish the work He has begun in me. And, there will be setbacks like last night, and I don't like those at all, but He also is helping me react to the setbacks better. I am not living in shame like I used to. I mean I am sorry for the way I acted and the hurt I may have caused, but in the past, I would have taken the self-blame to the max by opening myself up to harmful thoughts towards myself, causing further damage.(I'm finally realizing that kind of reaction causes larger gaps in my soul for future enemy entrance.)
Now though, I let the forgiveness of God heal me, and go on!!! Now, that is progress based on His glorious work in me. Much of the time, it is only ourselves who know of this work, as you can feel your emotions and reactions internally. You know they were there, and you know when they are not there. Praise God, our only Wise and Powerful King!! Who but Him can heal our soul?
posted by Patti Blount @ 8:12 AM
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