Great and Unsearchable Things

Things the Lord gives me, and then I write them.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Seeking His Vision

     I'm still not sure what being "controlling" looks like. I've been accused of it by my husband. He was brought up not interferring with anyone's choice to the point of not even saying anything if what another's choice was seemed dangerous. (As I see it.) And I grew up believing that if I didn't say something  it was being indifferent and not loving them, if I felt another's decision was putting them in peril somehow. So where is that line of entering another's life? Of course, I know, it depends on the situation, and after consulting the Holy Spirit. That one I realize, finally.
     I used to just blurt out because my emotion of fear was stirred, and say what was on my mind. I realize now that only helped me be relieved of the feeling of fear, and probably caused damage in a relationship as a result. Now, I restrain myself (sometimes) and seek God. I know He knows the ins and outs of the other person and me, (the big picture) and His wisdom is perfect, whereas I sometimes just base things on what I see with my eyes.
     Take for example my current reality: I am sitting here typing this post, having coffee at 5:40 am, while my husband is sitting in his chair in the living room, having his coffee and reading a farm magazine. Routinely if I get up before he does and get on the computer to check my blog and post, he gets a farm magazine and reads it. Religiously.
     He used to read the word of God; now he doesn't. I was thinking that whenever I saw the farm magazine in his hand, and so much wanted to blurt out, "why don't you read your word?" I mean, as his wife and sister in the Lord, aren't I supposed to remind him of things good for him? Is that being controlling? Is "letting go and letting God just being silent always?"
      As I type that I'm reminded of the truth in His word which says there is a time to speak, and a time to keep quiet, then in James it talks about the dangers of the tongue, and so all of that enters into it, I know. Oh, and don't forget that a word fittly spoken is like apples of gold, in pictures of  silver. (I think that means a good thing.) So, it seems like timing without blurting, but in giving words of the spirit would be hallmark, and to be careful in how I say something.  (I'm preaching to myself here.)
     I am not thoroughly convinced, though that always being silent is the thing, but I am affected by my husband's past accusations, and in many cases I know that I have been controlling. I don't want to be, because I know that is wrong and harmful. But, to be totally removed from what I see happening, and ignore that and not speak, would seem like enabling him to continue not to seek God more, and to fill his mind with farm things and things of this world. (like reading current events for a long time on the internet day in and day out)
     Am I just supposed to pray for him and keep my mouth shut? These are unsettled things in me. I am processing "out loud" here, and not justifying myself or saying he's wrong either. Just desiring clarity based on God's vision in this area.
     I didn't say anything to him, as 1) I knew he wouldn't like it and 2) the Holy Spirit is keeping me quiet for now. And I will seek Him for answers. I want to see the picture of control clearly, and that is what I will ask Him for. I know my husband's view and I know mine, (and I am affected by both) but I want to know His.
     So, for those of you "out there" who also would like God's view of this, join with me in asking Him now: God, I want to know what being controlling is and is not. I want your view and vision about this. I don't like muddy waters. Please make your vision clear to me in this area, and right now help me know how to handle this present situation concerning my husband. I give it to you, and wait until you reveal something to me. It is heavy on my heart, though, and I need your grace to restrain my urges. Amen.
     That is how I personally talk to Him daily. I need help in the little things as they come up. And I know He is interested in me being interested in seeking His will, no matter what it is. I'm so glad He is.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home