Great and Unsearchable Things

Things the Lord gives me, and then I write them.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Back to Gethsemane

The internal workings of our souls are hidden from us, unless the light of His Spirit reveals them. He exposed some things in me to show me that they were getting in the way of the work He wants to do. I was surprised that these seemingly "good" things could interfer in any way. To explain what they were, I will call them "emotional idols" or "human longings."
First of all, these desires were something that were driving my very existence, on a deep level that I didn't even realize. I will list them:
1) I have wanted my husband to love me with a perfect love.
2) I have wanted other people to never be angry with me.
3) I have wanted agreement from other people to make me feel secure and accepted by them.
4) I have wanted other people to draw me out by asking my thoughts and feelings about things.
5) I have wanted to be loved no matter how I behaved towards others.
6) I have wanted others to take the first step in having a relationship. (Afterall, didn't they know I was shy and insecure?)
These are just a few of the expectations of my heart which I have "held out for" as I journeyed through life. Only problem was that they got in the way of God's desires to have His way in me and it causes me to have ill feelings towards others whenever they didn't live up to the standards which I thought I so desperately needed and couldn't live without. Of course, I was living without them, because people aren't going to relate to me the way that I want (or expect or demand) them to. It obviously created much disharmony, not only in me, but also in my relationships. Most importantly, though, it has put these immense walls up, (which I unknowingly refused to let go of) that has greatly hindered the work of God in me.
I was recently sharing with a friend about how God, through His Spirit, has highlighted a certain Scripture for me. It was, "Let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus......" He said that the word "let" meant to "not hinder" the mind of Christ which is in us. I've been meditating on that for a couple of weeks now, and with that, He was able to show me my "emotional idols" which were doing just that. By me holding onto these desires, which I felt I needed to survive, I was hindering the mind of Christ, which I have available in me. Plainly, it caused me to focus on myself, and what I thought I needed, and then, what I didn't have causing a sadness, resulting from "hope being deferred" time and time again. Only problem was that my hope was in the wrong things. Oh, to come to the point to put all our hope in Christ!!!
The Scripture goes on to say that this mind of Christ was one of Him humbling himself, being completely obedient to death. As long as I was trying to hold onto these idols, I couldn't let His will be done in me, because I was wanting my will!!!
I'm grateful for His discerning eye to help me see, and His precision timing and wisdom. I find it amazing that He knows when to reveal something to us, and that He is the one who has worked in us for us to be able to accept what He shows us.
He only asks us to "let go" when He shows us these hidden things, and then trust Him to do the work. Since He's shown me these things and I have offered them to Him, I am beginning to see His fountain flowing in and through me. He is indeed at work in me "to will and to act according to His good pleasure. "