The Place of "I Don't Get It"

As I am growing in the Lord, I am finding that He has taken me to a place called "I don't get it." What I thought I knew before, now seems like darkness to me. He is stripping me of my former understanding, which, of course was obviously in error. What I thought was light, was not. It feels like I am becoming blind, and in a way, I am. I am becoming blind to what was formerly light to me, or so I thought. Now, He's bringing me to true light, and it seems like darkness; maybe like when you pull off your sunglasses and the sun seems to actually hurt your eyes. It has that feel to it.

I remember one time that I was witnessing someone praying for someone else and she said, "God is going to cut your head off in the spirit." As I stood aside, I was thinking (praying) , "Oh God, do that to me." I knew I needed to get out of my own understanding and have it replaced with His. Could that possibly be what the renewing of the mind is all about?

I really don't know what's going on, but HE DOES!!! Isn't that the point? Surrendering our having to know or thinking we do, to releasing that to Him and then just be comforted by that. Sometimes He lets us "see", and I like it when He does. I'm thinking that I will grow into this "seeing" (things from His perspective) as I let go of my own.

I have a vision of me (and all of His) being like an etch-a-sketch with all this scribbling on it, and then God coming along and shaking it from side to side until there is a clear screen. And then He begins to turn the knobs ever so slowly, imprinting His own mind on us, making His perspective ours.

Get it? Neither do I. Maybe you're in that place with me, and it's a good place, because it's a God place. Maybe we don't have to see, because He is our vision. Maybe we are "dancing in the darkness" with the One who we can trust to lead the dance. Maybe one day we will see as He sees, and then we will be in union with Him!! (Sigh) I could have danced all night, and there will be a time when we will.

P.S.- I don't know a thing about the book or its contents, so there is not endorsement. I just used it as a picture.

How Do I Pray

The post below is in response to an invitation to participate in a Sychroblog, in which many blog of the same subject. The subject was, "How do you pray?" You can view the various blogs through lyn.lifeshapedfaith.com. She lists the people who participated and their take on the subject.
As silly as it sounds, I am praying now for God to help me link to your website so that this blog can go through. I don't know why I want this to happen so badly. Am I struggling outside of God's will on this, and is that why I am feeling so much tension. Is it God's will that I struggle to "press through" so that He can develop some inner strength in me? God knows what's going on here. I only know that it doesn't feel good. Well, this isn't really on the subject, but just the current condition of the one writing on the subject, which you didn't really ask for, did you?

I have been thinking about "how I pray" for several days now, and so I had to sort of start to notice. I really just talk to the Lord all day long, concerning any and all matters:decisions, help to cope, help to give me self-control so I don't blurt out what I am tempted to say, asking Him to rise up in me, for Him to increase and for me to decrease, etc. I am learning to talk to Him as I would anyone.

I have come from reading liturgical prayers, to spiritually sounding prayers, to not wanting to pray publically at all fearing that I would try to impress because I love words and I can construct them creatively, to now just being me in expressing anything I have to express to the Lord or when I need Him. I want to pray His will, and as I get to know Him better as He reveals Himself to me, I notice that I am doing that. These prayers are usually very contrary to my own will, but I know that His prayers for me are higher and better than my own, because He alone knows what I need. I understand now that His will for me and all His children is to conform them to the image of His Son, so to pray "make the crooked places straight in me, God," means that there are some very tough times ahead for me as He does that. He has to correct those false bents in me that have been ingrained for a long time. These are precarious prayers, but necessary ones because they are in line with His will. So, I guess I would say that I pray more courageously than I used to because they are prayers that involve the inner work of His Hand.

I also pray for my brothers and sisters in His Body. His Spirit "contacts" mine as He puts someone on my heart to intercede for. I don't look for people to pray for anymore, but I rest assured that He is able to contact me in beckoning me to lift them up to Him. It is a mystery really. It is amazing how He has been linking me to people lately through so many creative ways. He uses the way my mind works to do that.

I guess I could write down a sample prayer to demonstrate my "how" of praying:

Father-I am so nervous about linking to this website now. Calm me Lord. And I pray that I won't be too disappointed if this doesn't happen. Sometimes I fee so frustrated at things and for things that aren't really important. I am kind of embarrassed that I'm that way. I am embarrassed that I am writing this prayer for others to see, but it's as if I am compelled. I hope it's by your Spirit and not some form of OCD or anxiety disorder. Father, if it is heal me from this. Touch me Lord. It's only by your touch that things are truly healed. Now, Lord, I am going to try this, and I don't really know what I'm doing. If it's Your will that it happen, then it will. If not, then not. So be it. You are sovereign, and I know you can make it happen even if I don't know what I'm doing.

Praise God that God is God!!!!

I've heard it said that God does not violate His natural laws. This is not so. What about changing water into wine? What about raising from the dead? What about dividing the Red Sea? What about coming into a soul and turning it towards Him? Miracles violate natural law. God made the laws, and He breaks the laws. God is sovereign. God is in control. God is God!!!! How glorious that is. How wonderful that is. How comforting!! He makes the final decisions on things, and His decisions are just, true, and perfect-and they are good, whether we can see it that way or not. He really does know what He is doing. He really has a plan. Nothing upsets Him or surprises Him. Everything is for His purposes, and we can't circumvent Him or His plans. Jacob tried that at the Brook Jabok, and he came out limping. So will we if we think we can "take on" God. He can blow and the whole world will be gone. God is so God!!! So big and mighty. The only power the devil has is the power God gives him. Just like in Job's case, the devil had to ask permission. And he has to ask permission for our lives too. That gives me comfort to know that God is really in control, and the enemy is subservient to God and must come to Him for his power. And then, to top it all off, God uses it all, for His higher and greater purposes, which, many times we can't see or He decides to keep them to Himself.

Is that alright with us? Can we accept that-to know God knows, and that be good enough? Can we still trust Him if we have to walk by faith all the days of our lives?

Dorothy-The Prodigal

The Lord directed my mind to turn to the movie, "The Wizard of Oz," in showing me what some of the characters represent in our own walk with Him and some of the dangers or allurements that can attempt to sway us off the path.

In no particular order He showed me these things;

1) The city of Oz-the place of fulfillment of our fleshly desires. It could be
said that it is Babylon also. Oz is beautiful to behold, but it's all a facade, delusion, or
deception.
2) Dorothy-an unsatisfied soul who has "scorned the provision of the Lord."
3) Her aunt, uncle, and the hired hands on the farm-represents the provision of the
Lord for our lives, which are given out of His love and perfect care for us.


Dorothy wanted "more." She wanted what SHE wanted and thought she needed to control her own destiny. Singing the song, "Somewhere over the rainbow" suggests her longing to be somewhere else instead of where the Lord has placed her. He wants us to be content in that and to trust His sheperding of us; his care and sovereign wisdom. She was dreaming of another life- a "better life." This is coveteousness, which the Lord speaks pointedly against. Because this was in her heart she sought out a fortune teller, which opened her up to the occult.


We attempt to get satisfaction through many means outside of the provision of the Lord. We get bored, thinking we need something else instead of rejoicing in knowing He has selected our lives for us and He is trustworthy. I am still learning to trust Him in this. He has been showing me ways I "dream" and sometimes even act on going to Oz. It's when I don't think my life is good enough for me. I think "I'm better than that. I should make a contribution and then be somebody." Then I go about thinking of ways to do that, always ending up on a dead-end street, just like Dorothy did in Oz.


4) The Witches-both the good one and the bad one, represent the 2 faces of satan. If he can't
get us by evil, he'll get us by good.
5) Tornado-a crisis in our life. During these crisis', what's inside of us usually surfaces, if only in dream, as in Dorothy's case.
6) Munchkins-demons. "Follow the yellow brick road."-encouraging us on to fulfill our fleshly
desires and dreams seperate from God's will for our lives.
7) Friends along the way-(tin man, lion, scarecrow) Enablers who spur us on also, whether
it's because they are heartless, without courage, or lack discernment.
8) Wizard of Oz-insecure man made to appear "terrible," who tries to garner fear or respect
from others. This is the true nature of satan, who's only power is in his ability to create an
illusion.
9) Toto-The Holy Spirit-the one who brings to deception "to light" when he pulls back the
curtain.

When the deception was revealed, Dorothy wanted to go back home. Her desire to "go home" is to go back to the Father's will or heart. Along comes Glenda, "the good witch," who tells her what she needs to do to get home. 10) Glenda represents "false prophets" so prevalent today. tells her to click the ruby slippers three times and say, "There's no place like home," over and over. This is a false prophecy, involving a formula belief system. It is tellings us, we must do or say certain things to get back to God, when in reality, we just need to open our eyes, like Dorothy who was, in reality, lying on her bed, but in her mind, she had wandered to seek the desires of her flesh.

I believe satan has so many people in bondage today because he has them believing they have to do incantations or certain ritualistic mantras to get to God or to appease Him in some way. Whenever we have a desire to still control our own destinies, we are prey to his doctrines, which attempt to get from God what we want instead of trusting His sovereign will for our lives. Doctrines like"Speaking things into existence," "taking authority over things," and "having enough faith," so our own way or fleshly desires will come to pass, are all demon doctrines. They really reflect still wanting to control our lives apart from God with a spiritual twist.
And we thought Glenda was so pretty and sweet; so is satan, the angel of light. You might say: but it worked, didn't it? Dorothy got back home. Yes, and that's the dangerous part to it. I believe the Lord allows satan to have his way. In other words, if someone truly believes in these doctrines, and it's because of lack of trust in His provision, he will allow these "lying signs and wonders" to take place, further endorsing belief in these doctrines, so eventually, after much peril and heartache, the prodigal in us will return and be more malleable to accept the perfect will of God for our lives. He gives us over to our delusions to ultimately bring us closer, when we find ourselves in the pig pen, so that we may truly return to our Father's house.


An addendum to this post: Today, August 24, 2007, I read a quote in my devotional book which explains further the mindset which, if not kept in check can lead us to be deluded into wanting "Oz" and to leave our Father's house. Let's be aware of his devices, ever asking the Lord to provide for us a heart that does not scorn His loving provision.

" One thing is indisputable: the chronic mood of looking longingly at what we have not, or thankfully at what we have, realizes two very different types of character. And we certainly can encourage the one or the other." Lucy C. Smith.

Our Emboldened Flesh

"I am woman, hear me roar." Shamefully, many have heard our roar much too long. I'm not talking about the woman's movement here, even though this image, and this song have been associated with it. I am referencing this article to those who call themselves the Lords,and the loud noise of our flesh, which attempts to drown out and win over the voice of His Holy Spirit. As Paul said and obviously experienced in his own life, "The flesh wars against the spirit, and we do what we don't want to do, and we don't do what we do want to do.' Then he says that Jesus Christ is the only One who can rescue, and indeed has rescued us by His finished work on the cross.

The attributes of our self-will are: demanding it's own way and unashamedly feeling entitled to it. This is an anti-Christ spirit within us which must be annialated, and will be if brought to the cross of Christ. We must take it there though, which, many times is a long process. First, it has to be acknowledged that such a wicked thing resides within us. Even though God says that there is "no good thing" in our flesh, somehow we think that He is referring to other people's flesh and not our own. Or we think, "NO good thing?," and secretly believe that He must be kidding, for fear of reckoning with that awful reality. We really want to believe that we are good, deep inside.

Bearing up under the crucifying cross of Jesus is the narrow road-few there be that find it. Our flesh and the devil offer many options on that broad road. Our flesh and the devil offers us entertainment or busyness to block out the convicting voice of God so we can actually look at our wicked selves, thereby getting true relief through the cleansing of the Holy Spirit as we take our filthy selves to the cross, confessing those things to to the Lord. The enemy doesn't have to do much for us to accept his offer as the flesh is ready to walk that broad or easy road. Afterall, it wants to be pampered and indulged at almost any cost.

I maintain that the "Spirit of Jezebel" is both male and female. It is the desire that is in all of us, that spirit of our flesh, which, if not brought to death, in us will rule and reign against the Spirit of the Lord, roaring all the way. As Jezebel tried to silence the prophets of old, her spirit now seeks to silence the Holy Spirit of God (or Jesus), which is the spirit of prophecy.

The good news is that Jesus has already killed that spirit on the cross, and that we are to bring this wickedness to Him now as He reveals ourselves to us, so that it can be done away with in our experience. Praise Him we're dead, if we just reckon ourselves to be, but it's not done in a abra-cadabra kind of way. Our flesh will suffer greatly, as it attempts to stay alive and indeed, dies hard. Even in that suffering, He promises to be with us and only by His power, can we endure this death.

As Elijah of old won the contest on Mt.Carmel, so Jesus has won against the enemy and our flesh (represented by Jezebel). As she was so full of witchcraft, so is our flesh. It trys anyway it can to get it's own way, whether with good or with evil. But she is destroyed, and now God invites us to come and let Him slay her in us. What a transformation of Him coming alive in us as we invite Him to have His way, destroying our old man.