I Tear Down, and I Build Up, says the Lord.

I am having a breakdown by God's hand. Some of you may take objection to that, but I know it's Him because it is producing good results in me, little by little. He is building a suitable dwelling in me so that He can live there.
The process of being crucified is very painful and it may or may not be physical, but it will be the pain required to put our flesh (will, demands, control, independence) to death. Last night I experienced one of the most deeply, painful wounds I ever have. Actually it was a wound based on a misunderstanding, but my soul processed it and felt it as if it were true, and so it did its work regardless. So, He was so awesome to use what was actually not true, to have me feel the pain as if it was, in order to remove some more of me that was interfering with my relationship with Him first, and then with others. In all of that I found that I couldn't talk to anybody about it, and that even produced more pain. I imagined myself talking to various people that I knew, and sobbing uncontrollably which I really was doing while laying in bed at 3:30 in the morning. Then all of a sudden, in my spirit, I heard the Lord calling to me saying, "Come to me." I said, "I can't find you." He said, "I'm here. On the cross. Come, be crucified with me. You are experiencing the fellowship of my sufferings. It is the pain from your own self-will and being seperated from me in that, that you are experiencing. I experienced that too, because I took on all of that pain. I know what you are feeling. I have a purpose in that, and it is to bring death to that which hinders you from being one with our Father."
It wasn't while I was in the midst of this suffering that I heard this. I couldn't hear Him, although I did cry out to Him, and I knew He was there because after I did finally call to Him, I felt so relieved inside. I knew He brought that peace to me. I heard and saw what had actually occured the next day, when new life had sprung up where another portion of self had been put to death. You know, I don't think I would have died in an area unless I had called out to Jesus in my pain, and then as I joined Him on the cross while in my pain and let Him bear it with/for me, it was then that the death happened. Before I called out to Him, and was just suffering by myself, I felt so seperated from any light or life. I felt fear and torment. Was this part of the fellowshipping of his sufferings too, when He felt forsaken by God? I don't know. It is a mystery, but I know something supernatural happened in me last night. I also know it happened not by a "wa-la" go down to the prayer line thing, but by intense and fearful suffering, then because of that suffering and with no other avenue left, I called out to Jesus from the depths of my heart, and He came, and He did something in all of that.
I am sharing this so that you would know simply that the path to Life is the path of death, so that when you suffer because He is chiseling away your self will and desires, that you will not think that you are on the wrong path, but that it is God doing in you what, hopefully, you have asked Him for; to make you a sanctuary, to cleanse your heart and mind, and to conform you to the image of His dear Son. Oh what a process, brothers and sisters. Won't you hold my hand and walk the Via Dela Rosa (the path of the Rose or Cross) with me? Our Lord is walking with us. We, like Him, can endure it for the joy that is set before us. Amen.