Surrendering our Dreams

     My dream life would be to get up everyday, and with my husband's leadership and initiative, seek God together in helping others who are disadvantaged, sharing the truth, love and life of Jesus Christ with them. This purpose of pouring out our lives for those who don't know, and be available to "share Christ" when opportunity presents itself to me would be a meaningful life.
     But, I don't have that life. My husband is a farmer, and I stay at home, keeping things going there. I have a flower garden I maintain, I love to write on my blog, and consider that a way to use my God-given talents, and I decorate pretty little boxes and give them away. Occasionally throughout the year, we have Christians from other countries we open our home to, and provide a refuge of peace to, who we love to serve and visit with. I love all these things we have and do, but ministering to the lost, the outcast and rejected in society is still in my heart, and I want to do that more and more.
     Even though I am not young, I don't, nor will I ever look at my life as over until it is over. I look at my life as progressively becoming what God has intended it to be. I must surrender my dream to Him, too, if I see it's not going that way, which for all practical purposes it is not. I don't see my husband looking into quitting farming to do anything else. I still wonder why then did God put something in me which he did not put in my husband. How can the two visions meld together if we are to be one?
     As often is the case, when I begin to write something, I begin to see the answer, as is happening now. The answer is that God wants me to surrender this dream of mine, even if I think He put it there, and if it's Him, He will resurrect it. If not, it will die. It's a simple as that, but it is not easy to do.
     Lord, I lay this vision down. I give it to You. Revive it or kill it, Lord, but let the restlessness over it end. If it's only my dream, and is not of You, I want it to die. I love you Jesus. Amen.