Jehovah Shalom; My Perfect Peace
Impatience + Self-will + Fear + Anger = Disaster: that was the formula operating in me last night, albeit unknowingly. Talk about an explosion in the lab! And my soul and the soul of my husband took the hit, and our relationship was damaged.
But hindsight is 20/20 for sure! When in the middle of schrapnel flying, one can't discern what happened. It's not that I was hollering and screaming; it's just that I was seething mad and wanted to, and so my soul (mind, will and emotions) was stirred and "in control." Not good. There was a lot of lecturing going on, and plausible sounding arguments on my side. I even imagined myself picking up the lamp, which was close by to my chair, and flinging it as hard as I could on the opposite wall, not even caring if it broke and shattered into a thousand pieces. In fact, I was thinking it would feel good.
I'm not bragging here; just confessing. And that is easy to do on the computer when all I have to do is write it, and push the "publish" button. Especially since I don't even know who reads my blog.
Back to the hindsight: This morning I woke up, with my senses more intuned and able to discern just what did happen. I traced it back to thoughts and feelings I was having yesterday afternoon, concerning the direction I sensed the Lord was leading my husband and me. He put something in my path that spoke to me about that. He gave me a general idea how he was going to use us, and how that would lead to something more specific, which He revealed to me. The general idea would come about out of our continued growth in Him, and the specific one would too, but it would be more obvious.
Well, since I knew the plan, it was time to put it in operation, right? This was where impatience and self-will collided. I was so excited about what the Lord had shown me that I got involved, and the disaster followed.
Without going into the horrific details, suffice it to say that I "took control" in trying to make my husband "take control." You see, I figured that if this thing was to truly happen the right way with the man in charge, he needed to step up to the plate. I approached him with all my reasoning abilities to "help" him see things in the right perspective. Since he didn't even know where I was coming from (trying to bring about the vision God had shown me) he didn't respond with as much enthusiasm as I wanted him, too. That is when I got into fear. (Uh-oh-another bad chemical in the mix.) Within a few minutes, I was in full-blown strife! Mama-mia!! Enter satan. Now, he instead of me, and certainly not God's Spirit was in control. And you know what a mess he makes in the lab!!! He's the evil, dastardly scientist.
So, here we were in the grip of our enemy, because I had played the part of "Sarah" instead of the daughter of Sarah, who I've prayed for most of my born-again life to be. You see Sarah took control, like I had, but God's Word says in the New Testament, that I am a daughter of Sarah in my marriage if I don't give way to fear. And my husband reminds me that in the same passage it says that she calls her husband "Lord." Of course, the implications of that become quit clear in light of what happened last night. If I had trusted God first, and then watched Him work his vision out through my husband, things would have been fine. But no, the old Sarah in me had to try and work things out, and quick too, because like her, my time on earth is running out. I was 60 years old this year and my husband is 67, and doesn't God know that if He's going to use us, He's got to act soon? Oh, wretched woman that I am!
Yes, but Jesus Christ is able to save. He saves us from permanent damage to our relationship, even if there is an explosion in our souls. He saves us from ourselves, and that is the biggest rescue! And He saves us for Himself. Thank God.
So, how am I going to prevent this from happening in the future? Well, it does help to learn from my mistakes. Now that I know the formula for disaster, I can run to Him when I feel these things coming on. He's the only One who can help me by holding me in His arms at those times.(Or by hog-tying me or gagging me-whatever works, right?)
I'm comforted in hearing Him speak to my spirit the same words He spoke to Peter one time, and He's saying to me: "Satan would sift you as wheat, Patti, but I'm praying for you." That is the only reason that I am able to get out of bed this morning at all, when I had planned in my mind while laying in bed last night, to stay there the rest of my life and wallow in my anger, depression and shame!!!
Now, that's a miracle. I was dead in my sins, but now I'm alive, because of His blessed forgiveness and life-giving power! He brings the dead to Life, time after time after time. And the explosion is forgotten; and the storm is calmed; and His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!
But hindsight is 20/20 for sure! When in the middle of schrapnel flying, one can't discern what happened. It's not that I was hollering and screaming; it's just that I was seething mad and wanted to, and so my soul (mind, will and emotions) was stirred and "in control." Not good. There was a lot of lecturing going on, and plausible sounding arguments on my side. I even imagined myself picking up the lamp, which was close by to my chair, and flinging it as hard as I could on the opposite wall, not even caring if it broke and shattered into a thousand pieces. In fact, I was thinking it would feel good.
I'm not bragging here; just confessing. And that is easy to do on the computer when all I have to do is write it, and push the "publish" button. Especially since I don't even know who reads my blog.
Back to the hindsight: This morning I woke up, with my senses more intuned and able to discern just what did happen. I traced it back to thoughts and feelings I was having yesterday afternoon, concerning the direction I sensed the Lord was leading my husband and me. He put something in my path that spoke to me about that. He gave me a general idea how he was going to use us, and how that would lead to something more specific, which He revealed to me. The general idea would come about out of our continued growth in Him, and the specific one would too, but it would be more obvious.
Well, since I knew the plan, it was time to put it in operation, right? This was where impatience and self-will collided. I was so excited about what the Lord had shown me that I got involved, and the disaster followed.
Without going into the horrific details, suffice it to say that I "took control" in trying to make my husband "take control." You see, I figured that if this thing was to truly happen the right way with the man in charge, he needed to step up to the plate. I approached him with all my reasoning abilities to "help" him see things in the right perspective. Since he didn't even know where I was coming from (trying to bring about the vision God had shown me) he didn't respond with as much enthusiasm as I wanted him, too. That is when I got into fear. (Uh-oh-another bad chemical in the mix.) Within a few minutes, I was in full-blown strife! Mama-mia!! Enter satan. Now, he instead of me, and certainly not God's Spirit was in control. And you know what a mess he makes in the lab!!! He's the evil, dastardly scientist.
So, here we were in the grip of our enemy, because I had played the part of "Sarah" instead of the daughter of Sarah, who I've prayed for most of my born-again life to be. You see Sarah took control, like I had, but God's Word says in the New Testament, that I am a daughter of Sarah in my marriage if I don't give way to fear. And my husband reminds me that in the same passage it says that she calls her husband "Lord." Of course, the implications of that become quit clear in light of what happened last night. If I had trusted God first, and then watched Him work his vision out through my husband, things would have been fine. But no, the old Sarah in me had to try and work things out, and quick too, because like her, my time on earth is running out. I was 60 years old this year and my husband is 67, and doesn't God know that if He's going to use us, He's got to act soon? Oh, wretched woman that I am!
Yes, but Jesus Christ is able to save. He saves us from permanent damage to our relationship, even if there is an explosion in our souls. He saves us from ourselves, and that is the biggest rescue! And He saves us for Himself. Thank God.
So, how am I going to prevent this from happening in the future? Well, it does help to learn from my mistakes. Now that I know the formula for disaster, I can run to Him when I feel these things coming on. He's the only One who can help me by holding me in His arms at those times.(Or by hog-tying me or gagging me-whatever works, right?)
I'm comforted in hearing Him speak to my spirit the same words He spoke to Peter one time, and He's saying to me: "Satan would sift you as wheat, Patti, but I'm praying for you." That is the only reason that I am able to get out of bed this morning at all, when I had planned in my mind while laying in bed last night, to stay there the rest of my life and wallow in my anger, depression and shame!!!
Now, that's a miracle. I was dead in my sins, but now I'm alive, because of His blessed forgiveness and life-giving power! He brings the dead to Life, time after time after time. And the explosion is forgotten; and the storm is calmed; and His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!
posted by Patti Blount @ 6:21 AM
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