Hate, Right and Wrong, and Forgiveness

     It sure does hurt to be hated. We yearn to be loved and understood, but I am deducting from my 61 years thus far on this earth, that the only One who can and does this, is God. People judge us and then hate us, as a result of those judgments. I have yet to learn myself how, when someone does something hurtful to me, especially if it's intentional, how to not judge that as a wrong action. And I'm not sure if God wants us to not judge it as wrong. It certainly isn't right. I'm reminded of what God has already told us in His Word when He says there will come a day when people call "good, evil and evil, good." I believe those days are upon us. We do need to recognize "right from wrong" but then there is the subject of forgiveness.
     And I still really don't understand it. I can see so clearly about it whenever a person comes and tells us they are sorry, and then the offended one offers to not hold it against them. I get that. The offender has acknowledged what he has done with his confession, and is obviously sorrow he did the action. He puts himself "at the feet" of the other person, so to speak. He realizes who he has sinned against, and he humbles himself before that person, needed something (forgiveness) from him. But I don't get it whenever the offender seems to justify his sin by ignoring his offense or makes light of it. How can someone else forgive that person, if they are not even wanting forgiveness, because they are too proud to acknowledge what they have done?
     I've read a lot about forgiveness such as comments about it like, " it's really for the offended one and not for the one who has done the offense," "you haven't asked Jesus for forgiveness for every sin and He's forgiven you," and "if you are angry it shows you haven't really forgiven," etc.- but all these explanations don't ring true for me. I'm not saying I would refuse to forgive, but it only makes sense, if that person came to me, confessed and asked. I mean, how can we give something to someone if they don't want it, or haven't even acknowledged any wrong-doing? And, our anger is an emotion of the soul, which may take time to be calmed, even though, we have truly forgiven someone.
     Then there is the argument from the Word that says if someone doesn't forgive, God won't forgive them. I believe God looks at the heart in this matter. He knows those who "would" forgive others, if someone came to them and asked, and frankly, I believe that, if they would,  He counts it as righteousness. The question becomes, "does a person have a forgiving heart?"
     Unforgiveness, I believe, is when someone asks someone else to forgive them, and they refuse to. Granted, there have been so many horrendous travesties committed on this earth, that forgiveness may come in layers, as the person who has been sinned against works through things in their souls, but if they desire to forgive, I believe God will help them do it completely.