Great and Unsearchable Things

Things the Lord gives me, and then I write them.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Letting Him Be Enough

     I'm reading a book entitled, Inside Out, by Larry Crabb. I've read this book several times before because I love the way he uses words to describe his feelings and thoughts. He weaves them together masterfully, and makes reading a joy by experiencing the craft of writing that he possesses.
     The premises of the book are good too, but there are a few of them I'm not sure I agree with, and if they are true than it changes my whole perspective about Jesus and what I had believed He promises us. One of the things the author maintains is that many of His promises are not going to be fulfilled until Heaven. I can go with him on that, as we can't possibly believe that everything He has for us can be received on this earth that is passing away. But, then the author says that Jesus doesn't necessarily offer to change things for us here on this earth.
     One of my foundational beliefs I've maintained and have written about repeatedly on my blog is that His intention for us is to change or transform us, and I've believed He will do that as we submit to this work of sanctification, which the Word speaks about. Sanctification means cleansing or renewing, which results in change in us from being a flesh driven man to being a Spirit driven one., or changing us from our old self into the image of Jesus Christ.
     He may not be suggesting what I think he is though. He may be saying that Jesus doesn't promise to change our circumstances to fit what we want, and if he's saying that, I wholeheartedly agree. By changing us, we change the way we respond to our hard circumstances. One way, he suggests, we change is to get our crucial needs met in Him first, and then from that place, we're able to deal with our other needs whether or not they are met or fulfilled. Our crucial needs are the ones only He can provide; our need to be loved completely and unconditionally.
     It all makes sense on paper, and I believe what he is saying, but to really live it is another thing. For some reason, since I am married, I am trying to get my crucial needs met by my husband. It is an obvious temptation, as he is here in the physical. How in the world, do we let God love us in this way, since He is unseen? I haven't found that way yet. It seems like every time I think I am being settled in that issue and am embracing it, something comes along and robs me of it. I see a marriage, it seems, made in heaven, and then I want that too. It's only natural, isn't it?
     I would love to be settled with His love and not want for anything else. I want to be completely happy with that only, and not let my other unmet needs dictate my happiness quotient, and I am realizing now that hasn't been a reality for me. It makes me sad and guilty, as it seems like I'm saying that Jesus isn't enough for me, even though I know and believe that He truly is.
     So, here I am at this point in my walk. I don't know how to embrace this love He has for me to the point where I am not shaken or disturbed about my other unmet needs. It seems as if they wave their ugly heads wanting to be fed and they won't be quiet until they are met, or until I involve myself in trying to get them met, which if looked at straight on, is an exercise in futility, and one in which distracts me from truly receiving His love. This conflict rages on, and I am caught in a cycle of wanting unmet needs to be met, me trying to procure that for myself, it not working, and then hurt and pain results, making my life so far from abundant and filled.
     I am truly thinking that His abundant life is truly experienced whenever we decide that His love is enough for us. It's not about having material possessions or position, a good marriage as we define it, children who are always making the right choices, or even having enough food to eat, but it's about learning to be satisfied with the love and acceptance that He offers us; the true food of Heaven. Oh, I want Him to be enough in my life, and I want His love to satisfy me completely.


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