The Lord Our Blessed Keeper and Deliverer

     For the past few days now, the devil has been leveling an attack against me, in an area which I have been vulnerable to for years. I admit, I need deliverance from this stronghold. An unfortunate aspect of this bondage is that when the enemy comes into my mind, I believe the lies as if they will protect me from surprises, but in truth, on another level, I know that they will not, but will in reality, make matters worse.
     I will give a similar example to explain. Let's say a person is going on a missions trip to a foreign country. As time draws closer to them leaving, their mind starts going in directions they would rather it not. For instance, they think about all that "could happen." (We had a home group one time, and named this needless ruminating, "the what-if demon.") What if the plane I fly on gets high jacked or blown up by terrorists? What if there is civil unrest in the country I'm going to? What if I get sick from the food, and so sick I have to go in the hospital in a third world country? And, even worse, what if I die there? How will they get my body back home, and how expensive will that be? On and on the possible scenarios can go with what seemed reasonable questions at first turning into blatant fear consuming the person.
     The "protection" element of these scenarios many people go through goes like this in the thought processes: As I survey all the possibilities I can think of that "might happen" I am protecting myself from something coming up and taking me by surprise. Also, I possibly can divert things from happening if I devise a plan, but in order to do that, (protect myself) I have to come up with as many possibilities as I can.
     Although these thoughts may "sound" reasonable, (some might even call it wise) if one has these beliefs, the devil will be more than glad to supply you with as many possibilities as you'd like, and as a result fill you with paralyzing fear. In this case, as the "thinking" escalates, the person may decide to just not go on their trip, getting rid of any possibility of harm to them, they reason. The unfortunate thing about this is that they could just as easily get harmed where they live because protection cannot be guaranteed, especially when it is us who we are putting our trust in.
     So what is it when we are so wrapped up in "the arm of strength" that will fail us? Why do we so strongly and harmfully rely on ourselves, and not trust God? That is the million dollar question, and probably there are as many different reasons, as there are people and each person who suffers at their own peril and from the devil's attacks in these ways, should ask God for the answers.
    Whenever there are negative thought patterns in place in someone, and suspecting or fearful thoughts are placed in this "system" either put there by the enemy, or at the minimum, fueled by him, the die is cast. Breaking these patterns which have been established and cemented over the years is impossible by the individual.
     The only One who can do this is our Great Deliver, Jesus Christ. The suffering and work He accomplished on the cross, demonstrating His great love for us did can break these cycles as we believe and embrace it. And He brings deliverance in different ways in each one of us.
     In my case, it seems He has "let" the enemy "have his way" in me, to some extent. I have suffered severely in my soul because of these thought patterns. I believe God has shown me that the root of my issues is insecurity. This is a terrible disease. It leaves one vulnerable to anything the enemy wants to put in our minds which is against ourselves, and he takes full advantage of it. He even convinces some to end their lives, or take actions that will ultimately sabotage them and their relationships. For certain, he causes great mental and emotional suffering in these ways. He uses comparison between the person and others, causing them to feel "less than" in as many areas as he can get away with in a person's thinking. This also causes them to feel threatened by other people who seem to be better than them.
     If God "lets" the enemy have his way, as I believe He has in me, (but not completely)  it is only because He is using the pain and suffering to cause me to fully rely on Him in this matter. Unbroken pain in one's life can either cause them to go over the cliff, as they continue to rely on themselves, or to open themselves up to trusting God more and more, realizing and accepting that they can't do it. I know in my spirit that I cannot protect myself, but let one of these fearful, and life-threatening thoughts come, and I'm back to devising a plan to protect myself once again.
     The other day, after I had been suffering in my thoughts, and then the fear was permeating my soul, which caused even more suffering, and finally things began to simmer down inside of me, the Lord came and gently spoke a word in my spirit. He said, "You can't keep yourself. Only I can keep you. I've waited to speak with you when your mind was quiet. You were listening to the lies of the enemy, and I couldn't get a word in edgewise."
      Even though I have known the truth of Him being the only One who can keep us, this time, because I had just gone through hours of tormenting thoughts over the past few days, which resulted in me being opened to His help, I was able to take it to heart. I was able to imagine what it might be like to live in His keeping power, and to be free of these destroying thought patterns if I truly believed that He was my Keeper, and not me. I truly want to be free,  and I know I can be if I will but trust Him.
     Trusting Him is connected with knowing His love for us. Because we know His love, we can know that no matter what happens, He will either use it for good and His glory, or He will protect us.
      Oh God, help me choose to believe and trust You, and receive the freedom that only You can bring. Heal my negative thought patterns. Deliver all my brothers and sisters out there in the nations of the world who also suffer with this disease of insecurity, and help them know your Love. Increase their trust in You. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen.