Healing: Physical, Spiritual or Both?

     At this moment I am awake and it is 2:04 AM. Pain in my back, legs and feet woke me up, so I got up, knowing that it would be futile to try and sleep. Back in 1991, I experienced a herniated disc, which to my understanding is when a disc in the back gets a hole, rip or tear in it, and "blows" so to speak, and the fluid inside leaks out causing the bones on either side of the disc to get closer together and pinch a nerve or nerves. When that happened, the pain was so bad, I had to crawl on my knees and then my husband helped me get up very slowly on the bed. I could only lie there on my back with my knees bent, and then was very careful not to move at all, breathing very slowly. In fact, it was about this time in the morning that it happened and he had to drive to his sister's house to get some pain medication for me. When morning came, my husband took me to the Dr. and he immediately put me in the hospital and ordered me to be put in traction. I stayed that way for 3 days; then they released me, showed me a few exercises to do, and sent me home.
     Well, I must confess, I never was consistent in doing them, or in developing and sticking with any regular exercise program. So, what's my point? Oh, I have lots of them. For one thing, I don't have a clear picture of healing. I was a part of a denomination once that taught that healing was part of the atonement. They would pray and pray and pray for people to be healed, and I'd pray with them, but I must say I never really saw anyone healed. Not that I don't believe God heals. I do believe that, but I believe it is according to His sovereign will that He does so.
     As far as it being a provision of the cross, using the Scripture, "by His stripes we are healed," I guess I'd say that doesn't convince me. I believe that means we are healed of our sin-sickness. I know many believers who believe we almost are "owed" healing, or that is our right, or even think it is denying the benefits of our salvation if we don't believe that way. And I am not trying to debate or conclude the issue here. I would like to as I don't like unresolved issues at all. I would honestly like to know from God's heart and mind, what the truth is about this.
     I know God is the Healer. In my situation, I guess to be honest, I would say that if I would ask God to heal me of my injured back, and of the nerve damage it has caused over the years, and seems to be getting worse, I'd have to say that I don't think I deserve to be healed because I haven't done all I could do to help myself ( exercise mainly, and drink more water) and that if I asked Him, it would seem like I would be taking advantage of His Grace. But, I'm in need of it even so!
     So, there is my dilemma. I desire to know the truth about physical healing, and I will continue to seek Him on that. I believe He's brought me to this point, for such a time as this. He wants to reveal His truth to me, so that I will be set free in my mind, and I'm ready to hear it, even if it contradicts what I am currently believing. Renewing of the mind it is called, and is a very basic part of the process of the restoration He is doing in me, and wants to do with all of His children.
     It really feels like love whenever He takes me aside like this and whispers, "learn of Me." I am beginning to love being "at His feet" taking in all He is and all He wants to teach me. My Rabbi; my teacher; my joy and my all. And the Settler of All my Dilemmas.