Great and Unsearchable Things

Things the Lord gives me, and then I write them.

Friday, January 09, 2015

The Reward for Dying

     "Help me learn how to 'die daily' Lord and give me the courage to do it."
       Praying this prayer today upon seeing myself. This is made known by His Word that says if I have jealousies, than I am yet carnal. Another revelation to me is given where He says that if I have fears I am not perfected in love. I also know that these things in me will go as I continue to die to myself.
     Jealousy and fear can be connected in some circumstances, as they are in mine, but I wonder sometimes which one came first the chicken or the egg? Am I jealous because I have fear or fearful because I am jealous? I think that my fear of abandonment and rejection gives rise to my jealousy. In other words when I see something which threatens my sense of security, jealousy arises and sometimes I attack with words to try and stop the threat. Of course, this never works but it only sabotages the desired outcome, (to feel safe) and can even perpetuate feeling more abandoned and rejected. These fleshly emotions of fear and jealousy are truly ones' enemies, and not protectorates as someone may hope. Once this is realized, it even becomes more loathsome when a person sees them operating in oneself; an enemy lurks within and they can't seem to stop it sometimes.
      However, I have seen God at work in me whittling away at these insecurities, and their power is diminishing, and are gradually being replaced by my security in Him, but I want them completely gone!
     This death that I need His courage to face is non-negotiable. As the saying goes, "the only way out is through." I'm not exactly sure how I do that daily, but He is revealing to me more and more of what that entails. It has to do with laying down one's will for another usually, and then death occurs. The reward of all of this is that His nature is then allowed to shine through us as we die. So, it's dying to live essentially, and it comes with a guarantee that enemies will flee when this happens! Would it be a stretch to call it a "mercy killing"? I don't think so, for that is really what it is. His ways are not our ways indeed.  


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