Great and Unsearchable Things

Things the Lord gives me, and then I write them.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

All Hope is in Christ

     It seems like I have lost so much since I have been following Jesus. I have lost relationships, either permanently it seems, or in  just knowing me and someone else are not as close as we used to be; that there is something between us. Is this the loss I am to count as gain, or is this due to me reaping what I have sown? I really don't know. I wish I did.
     If the losses are because I am following Him and that I am setting my face as a flint, and because of this I am feeling and seeing the dissonance spiritually, than all is good, but if it is because I have sown to the flesh, and I am of the flesh reaping corruption, than things are not good. Then, I need dire help.
     Let's assume possiblity # 1. Let's say people around me are leaving me either physically or getting more distant, because I refuse to give into their standards or belief sytems because I believe they against God, and I can't join them in those. I am willing to lose relationships, if that is what must happen, although it brings much pain and suffering to my soul.
     "Though none go with me" is my theme song, coupled with "I must obey God rather than man." I'm also reminded of what Jesus had told us about the last days, and that there would be members of our own family "against each other," because of His Name's sake. Add to that the truth of the Word that says, "If we walk in the Light as He is in the Light, we will have fellowship one with another." When considering the above possibility (# 1), if I am in Christ, and another is not (meaning not walking in His ways) there is no way we can have fellowship, or feel the bond that is felt when two people are following Him simultaneously. Sometimes, we just have to accept this. We can try to restore relationships ourselves, but it just won't work, if the other person is not abiding in Christ.
     O.K., now, let's assume possibilty # 2. I am reaping what I've sown. If what I am experiencing with relationships is due to what I have sown in them in the past, than I don't know what to do. I remember many years ago, whenever my family was living in a hellacious condition, and I did know that alot of it was because of the bad crops I had sown, and that they were coming to harvest, and I ran away to not have to experience the fallout. It was too heart rending, and seemingly without hope, and I couldn't bare it. I am getting that same feeling now, but this time, I'm not sure where it is coming from. If I am still reaping what I've sown in the past, than it feels like there is no hope for improvement for the future.
     Another possibility just became apparent. Possibility # 3-satan is trying to tell me I am reaping what I have sown, and trying to condemn me because of that. When I wrote "no hope" above, I realized that is not from God. Christ is our Hope.
     It seems like the longer I walk with the Lord, the more intense the attacks get on my mind, which, in turn, affect my emotions. It seems like, at times, that he targets my own value as a human being by attempting to tear me apart "limb by limb." He seems to gain entrance through my insecurities and pours in all the venom he can, through thoughts of condemnation and hopelessness. My negative thought processes provide a welcome path for him to do so. And, I don't know how to reverse these. My only hope is for God to continue to do His work in me, as He promises. Knowing He will is the only hope to having these thought processes reversed for good.



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