Let Go-The Anchor Holds!

     Well, as it turned out I didn't seek God in the way I envisioned it. I had the provision of going to another vacant but furnished house next door, and I had thought I would spend a few days there to really be alone with God, but to tell you the truth, I thought I would be afraid by myself at night. I had read an article about getting alone with God that said to find a place you felt safe, or you wouldn't be able to be relaxed enough to seek Him. That made sense to me, so I didn't do it.
     But, I did seek Him as I went, so to speak. Continually, even though I was living, breathing and walking, my spirit was opened to His, and He knew what I was wanting to make a decision about. Truth be known, and looking back, I now see the whole experience as a terrible oppressive category 4 mental attack of the enemy, all the while, thinking it was God leading me to make what would have been a cathastrophic move that would have destroyed everything in my life, especially me. How do I get in such situations? It's as though my thoughts lead me to a place or what feels like at the time, "no return." If I take it too far, there really is no going back. Yesterday, I didn't take it too far, but just to the edge before His Holy Spirit rescued me. I was standing at the cliff's edge, looking down, and getting ready to jump.  It was just like the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness, when satan told him to jump saying God's angels would catch him. If I would have "jumped" I would have splattered.
     Do the enemies' temptations and snares get harder to detect and resist as one goes on with God, I am now wondering? I have "heard" that when a person is being a threat to the enemy, the enemy pumps up the volume on his life, and brings more intense attacks against him. If this is true, atleast that is some consolation after the fact, but each time this happens, I think, "I can't go through that again. I barely made it out alive." If you could only know what goes through my mind during the height of the storm, you would understand what I mean. And, I think that it's God moving on me to do something drastic! At the time, it doesn't seem like the wrong thing, but it seems right.
     After the storm had subsided for the most part, I was left so exhausted. My will had been slayed, and my emotions subdued from all the turmoil in my mind, which didn't really feel that bad. In fact, it felt good not to always be fighting for something, and pushing and pushing. So, it seemed like, even though the storm was from the enemy, and I thought it was God, that God had used it to continue His work in me. In this case, He was weakening my self-will, and taming my emotions, which is a very good thing if one is learning submission to their Master's way. Could I be so strong-willed that I have to go through hell to get to the other side? A question.
     Anyway, as I was waking up this morning, I remembered something that happened the other night. I was in the Christian book store with my grandaughter. She was looking at the T-shirts, and liked a particular one. It had an anchor on it with two words: LET GO. This morning the Lord flashed that same T-shirt in my mind, as if He was telling me that. Then He pointed out the anchor. I knew He meant by this that if I would let go, the anchor of my soul (Him) would hold me up.
     Maybe if I indeed did LET GO, the openings in my mind would shut and the enemy wouldn't be able to get in and bring anymore oppressive storms. It seems like whenever I am trying to be in control, even of my walk and journey with God is when I am most vulnerable. I am beginning to see the power of trusting God in all things, even in the resulting protection. (Psalm 91)
      And again I pray, "Lord, help me to let go and to trust You to protect, lead, motivate, and keep me in Your hand and in Your Will. Thank  you for using what seems like death to produce life in me.Help me abide in You, so that You don't have to use satan's devices for Your work. I know you would rather have me just "let go" and trust You, and have the work happen by infusion instead of by pain. In Jesus' Name."