Great and Unsearchable Things

Things the Lord gives me, and then I write them.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Oh, Happy Day!!!

     Found out what my problem is-well, one of the major ones. It's that I can see the perfect, and measure everything by it; myself, others, and circumstances. And I don't know how to stop doing that. I mean if you can see what perfection looks like, how can you not gaze at it and want it? How could you not yearn for it? But then, how can you live on this imperfect planet with any degree of peace seeing that things and people (I do include myself in this) are fallable and corrupt? Well, the answer is you can't. And I can't. Many of my days on earth have included feelings of disappointment, sadness, anger and fear over "the way things are." I include myself and my imperfect behavior in this too.
    A few years ago I went to a counselor so that he could help me sort through my thoughts and feelings. I thought if only I could look at things differently then I could have some degree of peace in my life. After about 1 1/2 years of talking it out, I came out on the other side no better off than before. I had read numerous self-help books in the past, so I knew most of the techniques that psychology employs. The counselor had mentioned that cognitive therapy might work with me, which means that a person is re-trained in how to think about a matter; that they learn to process their thoughts differently. For me to do this, would mean denying what I see as truth, pretending I don't see it at all, and then believing a lie.
     Let me explain, by using my own imperfect self as an example. Let's say I talk harshly to my husband because I have no idea what he's just communicated to me, and I get frustrated because I desire understandable communication between us. This scenario happens daily in our lives. Because I didn't respond to him "perfectly" or how I think a Christian wife should respond to her husband, I feel guilty and then place blame on myself, furthering the bad feelings towards me.
      To change the way I sort this out (or to use cognitive therapy) I might instead look at my reaction as not bad because afterall, "No one is perfect." But this would cause another problem for me. I would fear overtime that I would become insensitive to how I treated others.
And this fear is not unfounded, as I have seen this negative transformation occur in people who claim to have been set free of guilt. They have become apathethic and cold towards others, continuing to stand in their so-called freedom in Christ. So, throw cognitive therapy out the window.
     I understand that neither type of thinking (or believing) produces good fruit, so there must be another way to live and to feel the love of Christ, and reflect Him in the process. I wonder what that way is?  I could repeatedly ask forgivness many times during the day. Only problem is I've tried that, and it doesn't help at all. It  then becomes a ritual of sorts, which loses it's meaning as all rituals do. What I mean by this is that at first I am repentive, but then it feels like I'm not, due to the repetitiveness of it all.
     I know I am missing something. Some might say that I haven't really received the forgiveness of God at all! Don't worry, I've cross-examined myself on that one, too, and if the answer is that I haven't, then that brings even more grief and fear. It seems like every avenue I go down to relieve myself of these negative emotions I live with is a dead-end street.
     The truth of the matter is that I don't like dealing with imperfection. I've tried to explain it  by saying that I live in agreement with all creation that "groans and travails for the manifestation of the sons of God," or for the "restoration of all things" that one day will happen by God's own hand. Until then, perhaps, I will just have to live with imperfection until that time, along with the negative emotions that accompany that reality.
     There is a promise in all of this, though, and that is that one day "the imperfect will become perfect" or put in another way God says that "corruption will be swallowed up by incorruption." I look for that day! I long for that day! I depend on that day coming! It keeps me going, even in the muck and mire, even in the negative feelings, and yes, even in the self- condemnation.
     In the world there is a saying that all good things must come to an end. In God's Kingdom, if you are in Christ Jesus, the truth is that all bad things will come to an end. I am looking forward to that day!!!!! "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes with the morning." Even so, come Lord Jesus., completing that which you started, for the praise of your Glory!

Here's 2 versions for  you to enjoy:





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