Child of God, You are of Great Worth!
Haiti, Mongolia, Columbia and Denmark-New visitors to the blog-Welcome, and may God bless your day and life as you submit to Him thorough Jesus Christ, your Savior and the Savior of mankind.
There was something in the room so big that it pushed us out as castaways, as there was no room to grow. Because of it, we didn't feel valued, worthy or loved. We were in competition with it, and it won. As a result, one of us retreated, the other became demanding, and the other sought recognition and favor elsewhere. All of us struggled with life in our own ways, and continue to struggle in overcoming the pain of our underdeveloped selves. We weren't blessed. In a way, you could say we were cursed.
What was this "thing" I am referring to? Was it a monster? Well, sort of. It was more like a presence among us. An undiscernable fog which choked out life and love and even sometimes hope for those around it. What I am referring to is something I grew up with, and for years tried to identify it. It was something either there or not there which afffected negatively me and my 2 siblings growth, development and internal security. I am describing this "thing" metaphorically. If it had a name it would be labeled, "MY DAD'S UNMET NEEDS."
I have been re-reading a book written by John Trent and Gary Smalley entitiled, The Blessing. It relays the 5 elements it takes to raise children in an environment in which they will feel valued, loved and cherished. Many books have been written about how to raise children, but this one, in my opinion, tops them all, or atleast gives incredible insight as to the "whys" of many people's unwanted behaviors. Looking over the 5 elements, I once again realized that I did not get "the blessing," and I can't stress hard enough how that has affected my entire life causing me to struggle every step of the way.
I am not whining, nor am I a hopeless case, but only because of Jesus Christ in my life and the resulting work of healing He's done on the inside of me, and will do in you if you allow Him too. In fact, I will say that if you did not get the blessing, He is the only way to be healed and transformed, and to eventually be blessed and to feel blessed. It may take many years, and it may be an uphill climb (and that only with His help) but it will happen.
Back to my Dad. He didn't receive the blessing either from his parents, and so when me and my siblings were growing up, it was all about him trying to get his needs meet. He was trying to have others acknowledge that he was "o.k," that he was a good guy who could do productive and smart things, and that he was capable of being loved. He displayed this desperation in the form of anger. When children who needed to know they were highly valued came into the picture, HIS UNMET NEEDS, took dominion over ours. He couldn't give to us what He himself needed and wanted. So the 3 of us grew up without feeling valued, and not really knowing how to love in a good way.
My personal reaction was one of retreating into my own world. I was afraid of even trying to get close to him, and overtime, I didn't even want to. To my mind anger was an indicator that I better not! His angry presence spoke to me of being bad and not worth loving, and the blame and the shame environment, worked in me a belief that if anything bad happened, it must have been my fault. So, I watched becoming hyper-vigilant to the cues of how and when and where to respond.
My "safe world" was one of playing my records, coloring in my color books, and reading; anything to not be noticed and maybe "get in trouble." As far as trying to get my needs for loving attention and affection met, they were pushed to the wayside, and my safety needs, or need for survival took precedence. And we didn't live in an abusive household by many standards, but the unseen "monster" of "MY DAD'S UNMET NEEDS" and the resultant effects on us not receiving the Blessing was enormous. I won't go into the years of counseling and soul searching and self-doubt and fear and struggling that I have gone through in my life.
To be precious to someone, to feel valued, to have someone ask "what do you think, Patti?", to have the warmth of knowing your Dad puts you first and is attentive to your needs, and that you can know you'll be received with opened arms and not be scolded if you want to snuggle up in his lap, and naturally pour himself out for your benefit because he loves you, are things I never experienced. But, you know something? I needed those things to flourish as a child, and didn't get them, but God stepped on the scene, and imparted His own blessings to me. One of them was in the form of a word someone spoke to me from God; a word He reminded me of a few days ago. It is a word about my value to Him, and it spoke "life" to my soul, and will continue to. He also showed me how He has been working everything I have gone through (the lack of those things which make up feeling blessed) for the good. All those struggles and tears and fears and insecurities, and my own fall-out from them, resulted in my own brokeness which made me open to receiving Him when He came to rescue me. So, all of it was worth it. The pain led me to know Christ.
I believe God prefers us not to struggle in this way; I believe it is His perfect plan to have both parents who have received the blessing pass it on to their children, so they can live secure and stable lives. This definately is Plan A.
If you recognize by things that have been said here that you did not receive the blessing (you believe you are not special, valued, acknowledged or loved, and have carried this for a long time) you must run to God to get the healing and ultimate blessing(s) He wants to impart to you. He will help you know that you are highly favored in Him!!! God always has a Plan B and promises "to restore the years the locusts have eaten." (Joel 2:25.)
There was something in the room so big that it pushed us out as castaways, as there was no room to grow. Because of it, we didn't feel valued, worthy or loved. We were in competition with it, and it won. As a result, one of us retreated, the other became demanding, and the other sought recognition and favor elsewhere. All of us struggled with life in our own ways, and continue to struggle in overcoming the pain of our underdeveloped selves. We weren't blessed. In a way, you could say we were cursed.
What was this "thing" I am referring to? Was it a monster? Well, sort of. It was more like a presence among us. An undiscernable fog which choked out life and love and even sometimes hope for those around it. What I am referring to is something I grew up with, and for years tried to identify it. It was something either there or not there which afffected negatively me and my 2 siblings growth, development and internal security. I am describing this "thing" metaphorically. If it had a name it would be labeled, "MY DAD'S UNMET NEEDS."
I have been re-reading a book written by John Trent and Gary Smalley entitiled, The Blessing. It relays the 5 elements it takes to raise children in an environment in which they will feel valued, loved and cherished. Many books have been written about how to raise children, but this one, in my opinion, tops them all, or atleast gives incredible insight as to the "whys" of many people's unwanted behaviors. Looking over the 5 elements, I once again realized that I did not get "the blessing," and I can't stress hard enough how that has affected my entire life causing me to struggle every step of the way.
I am not whining, nor am I a hopeless case, but only because of Jesus Christ in my life and the resulting work of healing He's done on the inside of me, and will do in you if you allow Him too. In fact, I will say that if you did not get the blessing, He is the only way to be healed and transformed, and to eventually be blessed and to feel blessed. It may take many years, and it may be an uphill climb (and that only with His help) but it will happen.
Back to my Dad. He didn't receive the blessing either from his parents, and so when me and my siblings were growing up, it was all about him trying to get his needs meet. He was trying to have others acknowledge that he was "o.k," that he was a good guy who could do productive and smart things, and that he was capable of being loved. He displayed this desperation in the form of anger. When children who needed to know they were highly valued came into the picture, HIS UNMET NEEDS, took dominion over ours. He couldn't give to us what He himself needed and wanted. So the 3 of us grew up without feeling valued, and not really knowing how to love in a good way.
My personal reaction was one of retreating into my own world. I was afraid of even trying to get close to him, and overtime, I didn't even want to. To my mind anger was an indicator that I better not! His angry presence spoke to me of being bad and not worth loving, and the blame and the shame environment, worked in me a belief that if anything bad happened, it must have been my fault. So, I watched becoming hyper-vigilant to the cues of how and when and where to respond.
My "safe world" was one of playing my records, coloring in my color books, and reading; anything to not be noticed and maybe "get in trouble." As far as trying to get my needs for loving attention and affection met, they were pushed to the wayside, and my safety needs, or need for survival took precedence. And we didn't live in an abusive household by many standards, but the unseen "monster" of "MY DAD'S UNMET NEEDS" and the resultant effects on us not receiving the Blessing was enormous. I won't go into the years of counseling and soul searching and self-doubt and fear and struggling that I have gone through in my life.
To be precious to someone, to feel valued, to have someone ask "what do you think, Patti?", to have the warmth of knowing your Dad puts you first and is attentive to your needs, and that you can know you'll be received with opened arms and not be scolded if you want to snuggle up in his lap, and naturally pour himself out for your benefit because he loves you, are things I never experienced. But, you know something? I needed those things to flourish as a child, and didn't get them, but God stepped on the scene, and imparted His own blessings to me. One of them was in the form of a word someone spoke to me from God; a word He reminded me of a few days ago. It is a word about my value to Him, and it spoke "life" to my soul, and will continue to. He also showed me how He has been working everything I have gone through (the lack of those things which make up feeling blessed) for the good. All those struggles and tears and fears and insecurities, and my own fall-out from them, resulted in my own brokeness which made me open to receiving Him when He came to rescue me. So, all of it was worth it. The pain led me to know Christ.
I believe God prefers us not to struggle in this way; I believe it is His perfect plan to have both parents who have received the blessing pass it on to their children, so they can live secure and stable lives. This definately is Plan A.
If you recognize by things that have been said here that you did not receive the blessing (you believe you are not special, valued, acknowledged or loved, and have carried this for a long time) you must run to God to get the healing and ultimate blessing(s) He wants to impart to you. He will help you know that you are highly favored in Him!!! God always has a Plan B and promises "to restore the years the locusts have eaten." (Joel 2:25.)
BE BLESSED BY HIS LOVE FOR YOU TODAY! HE LOVES US AS WE ARE!!! WE ARE PRECIOUS IN HIS SIGHT.
posted by Patti Blount @ 7:25 AM
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