The Burden of Responsibility

Three years ago, my husband and I went to India. While there, God spoke to me through a young Indian pastor, who the light of Christ shone through very clearly and whose love had been extended to us in a wonderful way.
One day we were on our way to a Pastor's conference, when I had to ask them to take me back to the hotel because my stomach was hurting. I felt guilty about this thinking that it would make us late and cause problems. As this young man got out to open the door for me, I said, "What responsibilities do you have at the Pastor's conference?" to which he replied with all the love in his eyes towards me, "My only responsibility is to take care of you." With this, I melted under the love of God's grace to me, as I knew it was Him saying that to me, assuring me that I was no trouble to Him, and in fact, He delighted to "be responsible" for me.
I guess I didn't fully receive "God's declaration of truth" to me that day, as I would continue (subconsciously) to be responsible for the "perfecting" of myself, as I thought (falsely) that I was supposed to do that. The "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" and "you better do it, if it's going to get done,"mentalities of the world , had left their impression on me even extending to my own spiritual development.
The other day I was mowing the grass, and God visited me, meaning He came and revealed Himself to me and exposed the false belief that I had been operating under. From the time He had spoken to me in India to this moment, he had let my failure to do His will (in 3 areas) escalate in me, in the form of allowing my conscious mind to "see" the failures, again and again, with the resulting guilt causing me much anguish, heartache, and grief. He, more/less said, "The fact that you have not been able to overcome in these areas and have felt guilty for it, shows that you have felt it was your responsibility to perfect yourself within yourself. I have let it cause you so much pain, that you would be opened to hearing that you can't do it, and be willing to admit that and give it to me. You have been believing that I have wanted you to do it yourself (overcome in these areas) and I have let you try and have used the guilt to finally overwhelm you, to bring you to the point you are now at. All you have tried, in your self-effort has been futile. It hasn't accomplished anything." I was stunned, but yet receiving, as He didn't come with guilt on me, but on revealing the truth, thereby destroying the lie that had been controlling me which said, on some level, that I was responsible in overcoming the "sins that so easily beset me." They weren't outward sins, but matters of the heart, which I knew were not of Him, and which no matter how many times I strengthened my resolve, I failed.
He then, to reiterate the point, did a kind of Jeremiah thing with me. There was a dead branch which had fallen off our big oak tree, and in my spirit He said, "What do you see, Patti?" I said, "a dead branch." He said, "This is the result of depending on your own self efforts. There is no fruit. " Again, another eye-opening realization, and one He used effectively in driving the point home.
In the depths of my soul, I felt appreciative of what He had come to show me, and greatly comforted and relieved that I could give my efforts to Him, and allow Him to take me as "his responsibility" as if I was the only one in the world. What love, what a treasure, and what big shoulders He has!!! Knowing too, it is His good pleasure to give me the Kingdom, and that He has already procured it for me and will do the work in me to get me there, is too wonderful for me to grasp. May my spirit embrace it!
"For He is at work in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure." I've always known this was the truth, but yet something in me (my self-will and desire for praise of men when I did overcome-ha!) had to die in order for me to really receive that He is the one who is building His house. I don't know how He works, really, but I do know He is an amazing builder, and even when we take the tools from His hands, He even uses that to work in us. Everywhere we go, He is there.
When He got me to a point of being able to "hear" the truth of what He wanted to say, dispelling the lie of what I had held onto up to then, the guilt left. If He is in me, and He is at work in me, and the "burden of responsibility" is on Him for me, than I don't have to worry anymore. I have confidence in Him that He will do it (perfect me) well, and for sure. He will finish what He has started in us, if we but trust by letting go of the responsibility that we are not only incapable of, but which isn't even ours in the first place.