Where Are You?

     Have you ever groped for God in the dark? What I am referring to is times when you find yourself drowning in the presence of dark thoughts, emotions or actual happenings, and you can't find Him. It almost feel like you are a little child, lost in the middle of a thunderstorm, with lightning raging all around you, and you are desperately needing the loving comfort of your mother, but she is no where to be found. Your needy heart comes up empty as it grasps for something to hold onto.
    I'm wondering what He develops in us, in those times, when we cannot even sense His presence and it seems as if He is refusing to comfort us. Is it that we are in sin, or does He just withdraw Himself at times for purposes we don't understand?
     I know one thing: I don't like it one little bit! I think of David when he cried, "and don't take your Holy Spirit from me!" and I can only imagine he says that with great desperation.
     When this happens, though, one thing is for sure. The reality of God being in control is no more apparent. You want Him, you can't find Him, and you can't do anything about it. Maybe that is the exact thing He is trying to show us-He is in control and we are not!!! Perhaps He is once again using this lost and lonely experience to demonstrate His sovereignty, even over when we can feel His presence and when we can't. Could He be wanting us to exhale with resignation and surrender once again, and say, "Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done."?

P.S.- I read part of The Screw tape  Letters by C.S. Lewis. It was a writing from a senior demon, to one in training. I won't quote it, but paraphrasing he wrote saying that the believers who God withdraws His presence from and they still choose to follow Him by obeying His will, are the ones who are the biggest threat to the kingdom of darkness.