True Worship

     For those of you who follow my blog, you noticed that I went off on writing poems (prose?) about God. My purpose was to just focus on Him and who He is and express that as I did. I was tired of the way I was writing, and thought that it was becoming too self-focused, so I switched gears. I also thought that if I kept my eyes on Him,  it would be better all the way around.
     I may be back to my regular style now, because I  have something to share with you, my "invisible to me," readers. I am going through a rough time now. Although struggling is no stranger to me, this particular phase (and I hope it's just that) is unusually unsettling. It is affecting not only my emotional and mental self, but also my spiritual. By that I mean that I am feeling distant from the Lord in some aspects, but at the same time, feel it's Him that is creating the distance for His good purposes, which is in itself reassuring. As I've always believed, if it is Him doing it, it is worth it in the long run. Not that it doesn't have to do with my own behavior, because, I'm sure, in many ways it does, but He is using the reaping of that, and adding His own pressure to it, so that I will "be forced" (and I say that lightly) to submit to be trained in righteousness.
     And I'm glad He is doing it. Even though I am feeling far from Him during it all, I know He is creating that feeling and using it too, so that He can create the desired results in me. The reason I say that I am glad about it, is that with less pressure and pain, (sad to say) I would probably not choose to submit to Him. He only knows "what it takes" for each one of us to walk in the way He would have us walk. It's not that we can't choose to do it, because He says in His Word, that He has given us everything for Life and Godliness, and His Holy Spirit's power to make those choices that He is pleased with in our daily lives. It's that we choose not to walk in these ways, usually, until we get in circumstances beyond our control and which are pain-filled that we decide to.
     Someone last night texted me and ask if there was anything they could pray for me about concerning these changes I am going through, and I told them "no" that it is God's work. I don't want Him to stop even though it it very, very hard. It is the reaction of my flesh that is calling it "hard" and truly it does not want to loose having it's way. It doesn't want to die, but it must. So, that is why I feel as if,( as God sees it and my spirit does too), it must go on. I want Him to get what He wants from me and out of me. As Reese Howell (Intercessor) once said, "I teamed up with the Holy Spirit against myself."
     So, in that aspect, you can pray for me. Pray for me to "submit to the Father of Lights and live." To truly live, I believe, is to live as He wills, not to "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die," as so many people think of it.
     Each new day, we have so many choices to make in what we will do and in how we will do them. It is in those small decisions, we can either live unto ourselves, or unto Him. Using the power of His Holy Spirit inside of us, we truly can choose holiness, or living unto His will and ways. It is then that we worship Him with our lives. If we choose not to, then there is more pain ahead. Let it be.