Let the River Flow
Letting the River of God's love, forgiveness and grace flow through me, seems self-indulgent at times, but I know that it is not. (It's like don't you know there's a world in need of Jesus out there, and here I am soaking up God's love?) I really do know, however, that flow must happen on a continual basis in order for me to be made whole, so why do I sometimes push it away or hesitate to receive it?
Maybe it's because I don't feel worthy of it (which I'm not) or because I want to be in control. Probing further, wanting to be in control means I put myself in the most comfortable position that I can, so as to "protect" myself from feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability produces strange feelings in me. Feelings associated with being controlled and dominated, which perhaps developed in my early development. I think I associate these former feelings and project them unto God and the love He has to offer.
In the past I've seen this River as a torrent which will smash me up against the rocks, and yet in truth it is a gentle stream just wanting me to float serenely in it, refreshing me along the way. So, I've developed a faulty belief about God's love, and that is why I've resisted it. Next week, my mind will be renewed in this area as He is taking me on an adventure with Him; an adventure in which I am sensing His purpose is to show me what His love really looks like.
"I'm not going to hurt you," I hear Him saying. "I don't want to control you, but I want you to feel free to fully express yourself," is another message echoing from His heart to mine. He tells me that His love is not binding, but freeing and healing to my soul, and it is undergirded with His total acceptance of who I am. And He delights in me! I've never known that kind of love. I want to be able to truly believe it though, but I know I will need His assurance. And I'll need His enabling power to do so. He is telling me that I have it.
How will my life look and be different than it currently does, if I do? My fears of being a push-over, or someone who others will think they can freely tromp on stand in wait, but if perfect love casts out fear, than opening up to believing in His love for me will destroy those too. So the picture of me and my life after Love remains to be seen. I can't even imagine it.
I'm thinking I will look something like this:
Psalm 1:3 NIV
Maybe it's because I don't feel worthy of it (which I'm not) or because I want to be in control. Probing further, wanting to be in control means I put myself in the most comfortable position that I can, so as to "protect" myself from feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability produces strange feelings in me. Feelings associated with being controlled and dominated, which perhaps developed in my early development. I think I associate these former feelings and project them unto God and the love He has to offer.
In the past I've seen this River as a torrent which will smash me up against the rocks, and yet in truth it is a gentle stream just wanting me to float serenely in it, refreshing me along the way. So, I've developed a faulty belief about God's love, and that is why I've resisted it. Next week, my mind will be renewed in this area as He is taking me on an adventure with Him; an adventure in which I am sensing His purpose is to show me what His love really looks like.
"I'm not going to hurt you," I hear Him saying. "I don't want to control you, but I want you to feel free to fully express yourself," is another message echoing from His heart to mine. He tells me that His love is not binding, but freeing and healing to my soul, and it is undergirded with His total acceptance of who I am. And He delights in me! I've never known that kind of love. I want to be able to truly believe it though, but I know I will need His assurance. And I'll need His enabling power to do so. He is telling me that I have it.
How will my life look and be different than it currently does, if I do? My fears of being a push-over, or someone who others will think they can freely tromp on stand in wait, but if perfect love casts out fear, than opening up to believing in His love for me will destroy those too. So the picture of me and my life after Love remains to be seen. I can't even imagine it.
I'm thinking I will look something like this:
Psalm 1:3 NIV
He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. (Brings life!)
posted by Patti Blount @ 12:53 AM
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