Christ-the All Sufficient One
The fact that I am even writing anything today is a miracle in itself. If you knew what I am dealing with and seeking God about as of yesterday, you would understand. It's as if I am at a precipice with God, and either He's asking me to jump and risk everything, or He's asking me to continue on a path which seems to lead to nowhere. I don't know which would be harder, but I do need to hear from Him clearly.
In the meantime, I remain neutral and unknowing; a land I don't thrive well in. It is a place of wondering if I have ever heard from God at all in my life, or if it was just my imagination. If He reveals that the latter is true, then I have no other choice but to assume my life as I've known it has been in vain and an illusion. And how will I cope with that, if it proves to be a reality? If, however, I have heard from Him clearly, either reality presents the biggest test to my faith in my life thus far.
Sorry I can't be more informative, but there are some things that can only be settled between God and oneself, and this is one of them. I am frightened to be honest; frightened that even if I ask God about making these things clear, that I won't hear clearly even then. Not that He will cloud my hearing, but if I haven't heard Him clearly in the past, how do I think I will hear Him clearly now, especially if I have made it all up in my mind? You can see the shaking that I am experiencing.
Last night whenever I was holding all this before God, I was thinking that He has saved me from myself so many times. Do you know what I mean by that? It is hard to explain really, but I'll try. There are things in us, whether it be in our makeup or something that developed in us over the years, that are flaws. God has intervened in my life whenever I have wanted to act according to my flaws, thinking it might be Him telling me to act, and it's not. If this is one of those times, I am trusting that He will put up a wall so that I cannot proceed. I heard a man once called these actions by God, "grace barriers."
The situation I am finding myself in is one of those times that I have to depend on Him to be my Keeper. Lately I have been exploring to know Him and trust Him in this way for my life.
Jude 1:24-To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy -- [25] to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
The truth that He is our Keeper, and His unseen protection of us in doing anything which we think is Him, but is not, is mind-blowing and faith building.
On the other hand, if this is Him asking me to make a decision which will cost me everything, I trust Him to give me His courage to do it. Either way, I depend on Him only. It is comforting to know in this crossroads I find myself in, that it is His provision either way. I am not alone. He will either give me His courage, or keep me from falling. If He reveals that I have not been hearing Him, and that it has been my imagination, He will help me cope with that too. Everywhere I turn, I run into Him.(Praise God!)
I feel better now. Even in making this post, He has somehow communicated to me of the assurance of His presence and of His provision every step of my life. Oh, and if I make a "wrong" decision based on what I think I have heard is from Him, He also can rescue me from that. Again, He is my Keeper and my Care-taker in any and all scenarios. I need to stop and chew on His all-sufficiency for awhile. Selah.
In the meantime, I remain neutral and unknowing; a land I don't thrive well in. It is a place of wondering if I have ever heard from God at all in my life, or if it was just my imagination. If He reveals that the latter is true, then I have no other choice but to assume my life as I've known it has been in vain and an illusion. And how will I cope with that, if it proves to be a reality? If, however, I have heard from Him clearly, either reality presents the biggest test to my faith in my life thus far.
Sorry I can't be more informative, but there are some things that can only be settled between God and oneself, and this is one of them. I am frightened to be honest; frightened that even if I ask God about making these things clear, that I won't hear clearly even then. Not that He will cloud my hearing, but if I haven't heard Him clearly in the past, how do I think I will hear Him clearly now, especially if I have made it all up in my mind? You can see the shaking that I am experiencing.
Last night whenever I was holding all this before God, I was thinking that He has saved me from myself so many times. Do you know what I mean by that? It is hard to explain really, but I'll try. There are things in us, whether it be in our makeup or something that developed in us over the years, that are flaws. God has intervened in my life whenever I have wanted to act according to my flaws, thinking it might be Him telling me to act, and it's not. If this is one of those times, I am trusting that He will put up a wall so that I cannot proceed. I heard a man once called these actions by God, "grace barriers."
The situation I am finding myself in is one of those times that I have to depend on Him to be my Keeper. Lately I have been exploring to know Him and trust Him in this way for my life.
Jude 1:24-To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy -- [25] to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
The truth that He is our Keeper, and His unseen protection of us in doing anything which we think is Him, but is not, is mind-blowing and faith building.
On the other hand, if this is Him asking me to make a decision which will cost me everything, I trust Him to give me His courage to do it. Either way, I depend on Him only. It is comforting to know in this crossroads I find myself in, that it is His provision either way. I am not alone. He will either give me His courage, or keep me from falling. If He reveals that I have not been hearing Him, and that it has been my imagination, He will help me cope with that too. Everywhere I turn, I run into Him.(Praise God!)
I feel better now. Even in making this post, He has somehow communicated to me of the assurance of His presence and of His provision every step of my life. Oh, and if I make a "wrong" decision based on what I think I have heard is from Him, He also can rescue me from that. Again, He is my Keeper and my Care-taker in any and all scenarios. I need to stop and chew on His all-sufficiency for awhile. Selah.
posted by Patti Blount @ 5:06 AM
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