Be You, and Walk the Walk

     God says in His Word that it is not wise for us to compare ourselves with ourselves, or with one another. I have a bad habit of doing that, and it has not produced good results. I see my own life, and than look at other Christians' lives by comparison, and the games begin. What results is I end up feeling less than, or greater than, and both are "evil." So, not good.
     Being settled with who God created me to be, even if others don't understand or reject me, and being settled with the life God has given me to live, even if the same thing occurs, are things the Lord is currently working in me. I fight this sometimes, unknowingly, because (now I'm realizing) that I don't want to be different, and misunderstood. I want to be received into people's hearts and lives, as the popular, pleasant and good ol' Joes' are. But, God constructed me differently. He gave me a mind that is not a standard one, if there is a standard one. I even have rejected myself many times because I didn't like the "me" He's created. Of course, than He quickens my spirit, and His Word comes to me which says, "Why does the clay say to the Potter, 'why have you made me like this?'" And I think, "I know You're right, God. Why do I do that? Why can't I just accept myself and the life that You've chosen for me on this earth?"
     My sister-in-law mentioned the other day that she wondered if people who had delusions of grandeur or wanting to be somebody special, had mental illness. Is that me, I thought? Why can't I just live my life like others? Oops, there I go again-that comparing thing.
     I know that underneath alot of this struggle is me trying to avoid being rejected  and judged, and so I subconsciously try to conform to others' expectations, so that won't happen. Alot of my being different, though, has to do with following what I see and hear God revealing to me in being His daughter, and/or servant, and so the stakes are high, whenever I don't respond to that. In Hebrews, He tells me that if I don't respond, that over time, my heart will get hardened to His voice, and I won't enter His rest. This means that I will be at odds with His will for me and my life and this never brings peace.
     But, praise God, He keeps me from falling!! I may go off on the comparing thing, mimick other peoples' lives for awhile, but then He somehow (as only God can) brings me back to the "me" He's created, and the strange path He's placed before me, and I begin to walk that path again.             
There was a Christian book many years ago that put this experience of this inconsistent walk many of us have, saying it was "two steps forward, one step back." I had to think about this for a second, and then, "whew" I realized that it was a progessive walk. I also realized that some people, (well, atleast the author) had this same somewhat inconsistent walk, as I do.
    I know when I lay this to rest finally, I will be empowered with the reality of the truth that "if God be for me, who can be against me." For it is Him I desire to be at peace with and to live for. Lord, get me there. I know you will.