Humility Begets Restoration

     In the past couple of days, I’ve been easier to cry as I express myself to the Lord, and it feels good because it shows me that my heart is not dead, hard, and cold. When the depth of my heart, where feelings lie, is exposed, through expression, is when our pride of always having to be fine, and ok, is challenged, and even begins to crumble. Living all put together for too long, can have the effect of convincing ourselves that we really are fine, and denies and defies the truth of our own heart; those things that have been stored there for too long, unattended.
     And what is the consequence of this malady? A stoic exterior, seemingly aloof and uncaring to the suffering and needs of others, not to mention the harm to oneself of not getting healed by the Lord, because we haven’t let our guard down to even admit we have a need.
     And that is where the wonderful tool of suffering comes in. God’s plan for the restoration of all things, includes the soul’s of His children; He will complete what He started in us, using whatever means necessary, and our own suffering and pain, whether it be because our expectations and plans for our lives didn’t come to pass, or that our own repeated failures left us sad, frustrated, or even angry beyond cure, or even physical limitations or pain, He uses all our suffering, to get us to a place of brokenness and despair.
     In my case, the softening of my heart has resulted from all of these things; that is why I can write them so freely and surely. I was trying to perfect myself, unknowingly, in my soul and body, and I was met with failure, every step of the way. Little did I know, I was fighting God’s help and dependence in my life. I didn’t want to be a baby. I wanted to be capable and strong and admired. I think I have been seen as all of those things to others, but it was only a front, because the things that I wasn’t dealing with well on the inside, were so stacked up, that it was inevitable that I would break sooner or later. And, I am so glad that I did, and unless I hadn’t written this down, no one would have known about it. The Lord was gracious enough to keep it between me and Him. But I am choosing to share this, thinking it might help someone else to know that being broken before the Lord, is a good thing, and precedes our healing, which I’m defining as being dependent on Him which is the most wonderful place to be. It is knowing what it is to be under the shadow of His wing; the place of serenity and protection; nestled in His arms; knowing you’re His.
     What stress is relieved when you are broken and cry out to Him for help! Just admitting you can’t do it, or take it anymore, is only the beginning of a true love relationship where trusting Christ with your life is fulfilled. Staying in this place of humility is abiding in Him; never to be severed from the Vine that nourishes you.
     A song called, “O, Holy Night” referring to the coming of Christ into the world, has a phrase that now has a deeper meaning for me: “Fall on your knees.” I see His Presence in my life and, I want no other response, for that is where I connect with Him in my brokenness.