Getting Personal

     This post is a P.S. to the one after it. After I wrote the one entitled, "Hold Nothing Back," and once again gave myself as a living sacrifice to the Lord this new day, I experienced severe burning. (The altar, you know) In the course of the day, involving normal, daily life, I locked horns with my husband. I hated myself for it, I despised the feelings I was having, and I was sorry I hurt him in any way, and I knew I did, but I didn't know what to do about it as we sat in silent tension.
     So, as I sat there, I asked the Lord what was wrong, and how did this uprising occur?  He told me that I was sensitive to being offended because of unhealed wounds that I still had. And because this situation occured, He used it to show me that, and, at the same time, He went about healing those places in me which  are exposed; those particular "buttons" that could still be pushed.
     Oh, it's all part of the process of letting God burn off the unproductive branches in us. But, I must admit, it is painful. It is better, however, to be free of our unproductive branches than to go around with open and sensitive wounds that the flesh of others can so easily touch time after time after time.
     As I type this, the feelings are subsiding slowly. I know it has something to do with getting over my former belief I had about myself that "you are wrong"-not just "you did wrong, but you ARE wrong," as in the substance of who you are is wrong. So, whenever I am corrected, (which feels and sounds like accusing) the effect of believing in my own "wrongness" in the past is activated, and I  automatically respond in self-defense to try and make the person stop accusing me, using angry arguments in my favor and against them. In the process, I hurt people. I intend on apologizing to my husband, as I am still responsible for my reactions to others, understandable or not.  Unhealed wounds are not excuses to keep on hurting others, or in justifying our wrong behaviors.

So, I thank God for His healing power on the inside of me. He is making all things new in me in my emotions and in my mind.

You might wonder why I share these intimate things with you; the nameless and faceless people who read my blog. I do it because I truly believe most of us go through the same or similar thoughts and feelings and even experiences in our souls, and because I also believe that the time is short before the increased tribulations on this earth happen. I am exhorting you to also offer yourself on His altar completely so that He can do His work in you, and gain His heart's desire of conforming us into the image of Christ, for the praise of His glory, so you won't have to be ashamed at His appearing. (Because you chose the path of least resistance.)