Great and Unsearchable Things

Things the Lord gives me, and then I write them.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Who Am I? (Part 3)

My son recently said that life, itself, is traumatic, and, to a certain degree, I agree with him. I believe that before we were birthed into this world, we were in the presence of God, evidenced by the innocence and purity on the face of a baby, perhaps reflecting His glory, by looking into His face. The moment we were conceived, and then birthed into this world, the evil in others, the spirit of this world, and even our own inherancy to sin, will begin to mar, and even tramatize our former existence, and purity.
Some of the forms trauma takes, are parental abandonment, poverty, neglect, rejection, divorce of parents, drug or alcohol abuse in the home, unhealthy dependency created by the parent between the child and the parent, death or disability of a loved one, and verbal, physical, sexual and even spiritual abuse. Lesser forms include a lying parent(s) leading the child into deception, for example, or any other strongholds the parents or caretakers may have which influence the child in a negative way. If a child’s life is filled with more of these traumatizing things, and void of love, it is almost certain they will grow to adulthood repeating these same damaging ways to the next generation, and they will certainly be inflicted with the damaging effects themselves.
If these same people, however, are drawn by God, and are reconciled to Him, by receiving their salvation in Jesus Christ, God will, as He promises, complete what He  started in them, by conforming them into His Son’s image. Part of this involves, I believe, is Him healing the damage in our soul’s, from the trauma it has experienced.
How does He do this, the question is asked again? I can only share about what has happened to me, and how God is presently moving on, and in me to walk this path.
I have known I’ve needed my soul healed for many years because I’ve struggled severely with fear, guilt, and anger primarily. God has healed me in part progressively, and I’ve always been hopeful He would finish the work progressively. More than progressively, though, I have hoped that I could just get prayed for, delivered, and that would be the end of that. Although I did once go for a deliverance session, my soul had not yet  been healed enough to endure the triggers in that deliverance, and so, it further damaged my soul. I had not waited on God to lead me in the path of healing, but took matters into my own hands. If it had been God who had led me, it would have brought life and healing, and not more trauma, and damage. Because of the outcome of this, I am learning to trust His timing and accept the truth that He knows me better than I know myself.
The trauma I experienced in my childhood was not necessarily remembered (as so many are not, because of one’s protective ability to block it out, and dissociate during the trauma) but has been deducted from my own continued soul sufferings throughout my lifetime, and their affect on my coping abilities, and their negative effect on others in my life. There have been numerous  unexplained pieces of the puzzle, which  have presented themselves also, which have created a picture that a trauma, if not traumas have occurred. I have tried desperately to dig it out, asking God to reveal it to me, so I can get healed, but (I think) because it could  never be substantiated, that God has not let that happen. Perhaps, it would have done more harm than good. (End of Part 3)


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